Walking in the Dark
by S.Walden
Summary: Yamato is struggling through a difficult divorce when he gets the call he's always wanted... and dreaded... their mother has passed away and all of his unresolved issues with everyone will be made known... at the funeral in France. COMPLETE Jyoumato, Takari, exSorato, Taishirou, Kenyako
1. Chapter 1

Walking in the Dark

Chapter 1: The Past

A/N: Angel Weasel-Woman and I are back with our headcanon. To better understand this fic, please go read "No Children", although it is not required. Also, regarding divorce papers mentioned in this chapter... I totally get that there is no way in Hell you could get them in a day, but for the sake of this fic, let's use a little 'literary leeway'.

For those like me too lazy to go read a small one-shot, here is a brief summary of the events thus far:

Yamato and Sora have been married since they were out of high school and had two children, a girl: Hanako, and a boy: Tsukuyomi. The marriage didn't last however, as Sora learned of Yamato's childhood abuse at the hands of his mother and in turned accused Yamato of repeating that abuse. They vowed to stay together no matter what, for the kids, but some things just can't mend.

Also note that Yamato and Jyou have hid their feelings for one another up until Yamato's marriage, then those feelings were pushed aside for the greater good, so to speak...

Jyou also has a child named Aiko that he was put in guardianship of after Aiko's parents both passed away.

Pairings include: Takari, Kenyako, Taishirou, one-sided Sorato, and Jyoumato.

* * *

><p>Another month gone by, another 'meeting' with the guys. That had been the only thing keeping me going when I wasn't at home, being pushed around like a doll, except in the extreme case where I took shelter at Jyou's. I could just tell myself one more day and get through another month, but this particular month nearing the end of a brutally hot August, I got a strange phone call. Sora hadn't been home, therefore I could actually answer my own phone. I know it sounds strange, to hear how she pushes me around. She wasn't always like this, either. I blame her Mom more than anyone, for ruining a perfectly beautiful friendship. Still, this was the way things were. I took each slap of the wrist, each fight (and this woman could definetly hold her own), and each bad name and pushed it down. All that hate was mixed with the leftover hate I had for my own mother, somewhere deep in the pit of my stomach.<p>

I hadn't picked up the phone in so long, it took me a moment to move my lips, "Hello?"

"Brother." Takeru. We hadn't spoken since Mom's health had started failing four years ago. She had gone into chemo therapy. So, I figured this call could only be about that.

"What's the matter?" I asked, trying to be as concerned as possible, like he had always wanted me to. He could see through this and scoffed. I could hear voices in the background.

"I shouldn't even be calling you," he hissed into the phone, "You don't even care except to satisfy your own curiousity."

"Get on with it," I snapped.

"Chemo isn't working for Mom anymore," Takeru said, and for a second I heard the little brother I used to know. The one that would plead with me to make everything okay. "I... I don't know how much longer she has left. I think you should come see her. But you won't. So..."

"...I miss you, you know," I admitted.

"I don't give a damn," Takeru cried. He hung up, but I'm sure he probably slammed the receiver down. I closed my eyes and set the phone down with a quick breath.

Then I heard the kids down the hall. Hanako was eleven now and her little brother was about eight... almost the same age Takeru and I had been. As I heard them arguing down the hall, I figured it was just a normal little spat and ignored it at first until I heard Tsukuyomi crying out. Almost as if he had tripped or something. It was strange. I rushed down the hall to his bedroom where I found the two of them in the middle of some kind of argument as I had guessed seconds earlier. Tsukuyomi was huddled next to his bunk bed with his hands guarding his little red head. Hanako raised her hand, her blonde locks flying back as she brought her hand down. I stormed over to her and grabbed her wrist, doing my best not to take out my own anger on her. "Hana-chan, what are you doing?" I breathed, looking at Tsuku. He was crying. She scoffed at me. I yanked her arm, "We don't hit, you _know_ that."

"Mom hits _you_," she snapped, pulling her hand away from me. She rushed past me and towards her room. _Go, your grounded!_ I wanted to scream, but my lips wouldn't move. In fact, my entire body wouldn't move. My eyes were locked on the empty air where Hana had been standing. Shaking, I turned to Tsukuyomi. He was whimpering a little and he crawled over to me, his arms gripping my waist as I slipped to my knees. I pulled him into my arms and hugged him tight.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, trying to gasp for air. I didn't want to cry in front of him, so I just squeezed him tighter. He whimpered further in my arms and I set him down. "Tsuku..."

"Dad... are you okay?"

I smiled at him, letting a few tears escape. "Don't worry about me. I'm going to take care of you. Your sister, too. I... I..." I stood, my mind swimming. "I can't believe I let this happen..." I started laughing, holding my hand over my face for a moment and using my other hand to balance in the doorway of Tsuku's room. I could hear him distantly asking if I was okay, but I had to keep going. "What have I been doing all this time?!" I screamed in disbelief, hurrying down the hall. "Hana-chan..." I whispered, standing at her door. "Hana-chan, you're not in any trouble. I'm going to run an errand. Be good for Mrs. Satoshi for your Dad, okay?"

She looked up at me, wondering what the Hell had gotten into me. I grabbed my keys by the door and my coat, then slipped on my shoes, running out the door. I knocked quickly on Mrs. Satoshi's door. Normally, I tried to avoid her. If I did anything outside this apartment or made a noise that was even a bit in her hearing range, she was like a damn hawk, no- a parrot, reporting it to Sora in some exaggerated demonic sort of way. However, I wasn't going to have to deal with her much longer come this evening. I knocked again and she opened the door.

She was like a witch at Halloween with her wrinkled skin and gray hair. She normally had beady eyes, except around me, where they were reduced to slivers. I ignored her and pleaded quickly, "Can you watch the kids for a few hours?"

"Where are you going in the middle of the morning?" she sneered at me.

I shook my head with a laugh, "Will you?"

"Of course. Those kids are certainly better off in my hands than yours..." she smirked at me.

_Whatever, you old hag_, I thought. I proceeded quickly down to the courthouse. The entire trip took a part of the day and I knew the rest of the day would be spent waiting around for the divorce papers. On the way up the steps, I noticed Iori, on his way out.

"H-Hey," I said happily.

"Ishida-san," he said. "How long has it been?"

"Forever," I smiled.

"What are you doing down here?"

"I'm getting a divorce," I explained.

"You seem a little bit chipper for such an occasion..." Iori noted. He tucked his suitcase under his arm. "If you need anything, I can speed things along."

"I appreciate that," I replied, bowing slightly. I knew he had to get going and I had to hurry, too. Once I received the papers, I headed home, knowing I would do anything to help my kids not to grow up around the same fighting that turned Takeru into what he is now, the same whispers that made me what I was.

Mrs. Satoshi sneered at me when I walked in. Sora was beside her, looking cross. "Where _were_ you?" Sora demanded, storming over to me.

I grabbed her arm and forced her hand out, shoving the papers in them. "This was where," I growled, "Fixing this shit once and for all."

"What are you..." she started, her eyes sweeping over the papers. I listened as she turned each page, occasionally looking up at me. She glanced to Mrs. Satoshi who left politely, leaving the two of us standing in the living room. There was an invisible line between us. "A divorce?" She laughed. Inside, I was, too. I knew she couldn't look me in the face as all compassion left me. Honestly, if I could have, I probably would have just killed her to make things go so much quicker. "This is a joke right?"

"No. It isn't," I told her.

"The entire world, your entire family, all of our friends-"

"Friends... family... you wouldn't let me see any of them, so what do they matter to me, now?"

"They'll all know what you are!" she barked, throwing the papers at me. "The entire world will know that the glorious Yamato Ishida is a perverted bastard!"

"...let them think what they want..." I whispered. I picked up the papers and took them over to the table. I had left one signature unturned and grabbed a pen from the desk. I signed my name as Sora screamed at me. She clawed at my back and I shoved her away. "Enough fighting!"

"What?"

"I don't care anymore, Sora!" I exclaimed. "Do whatever you want. I'll take whatever pain you feel you need to inflict on me... I just don't want my kids growing up in all this bullshit."

"The kids are fine-"

I wanted to argue what I had seen earlier, but if the kids were anything like Takeru and I, they were listening. I would be damned if Hanako blamed herself for this divorce. She was just the beautiful maiden cutting the wool from my eyes.

I started back to the bedroom and grabbed a suitcase. I began tossing a few clothes in, some mementos from the kids, and some of my old things. I grabbed my guitar and slung it over my shoulder, even though I hadn't touched the bass in a decade over now.

Sora was watching me in the doorway, "Yamato, you're not doing this."

"I am," I replied.

"No," she whined, stepping inside. I rushed to the door and locked her out, nearly catching her fingers in the door. She screamed and beat against the door. "I'll never let you out of this, Yamato. You're a husband and a father and you have responsibility to these children and me!"

"Exactly!" I cried.

"What... you think you're going to even stand a chance at the kids? Once everyone finds out what you do to them... You don't even talk to your own brother... why is that, Yamato? Think about it. Your mother's dying, isn't she? Your father is all you have left and he probably can't stand to see your face now."

Her words slowly sank in as I shut the suitcase. _Was there a chance she was right? No. No, this was the right thing._

"Your kids will hate you, you know," she started haughtily. "You will be the reason they don't have a happy family, like you always wanted them to have. Way to keep a promise to yourself, Yamato. You're letting your kids down and yourself."

_Shut up_, I hissed, heading into the closet. I grabbed the box from the top shelf and took out the magnum. It wasn't loaded, but the bullets lay underneath in their case. I took a breath. I didn't want to hurt her or risk hurting the kids and she wasn't going to let me leave. I had no more options...

"Yamato!" she screamed, "Jyou will never LOVE you! He won't even look at you after he finds out what you are!"

_Jyou..._ I wondered. _Why... does she keep bringing him into this?_

"Why do you think he never admitted his feelings for you, huh?!" she screamed. "You were just a pity fuck then!"

_Sora? Jyou... has feelings for me?_ My hands were shaking and I sank against the end of the bed. I held the gun loosely. _What choice do you have, now, Yamato? She's right... you're not gonna get your kids. Sora has a wonderful, happy family. What do you have? A train wreck. You're staying with a man who just... pities you. He never loved me...She's just saying that so you'll put the gun down. Don't put the gun down. For once in your life do something you want to do!_

"He never loved you!" Sora screamed.

I looked around the room. The last thing I would ever see...

"No one in your entire life has ever loved you. Not me, not your father, your kids, your brother, your friends... maybe you should have realized that the first time!" Sora continued to berrate me, hoping I would drop the weapon. She did everything EXCEPT try and take it from me. She didn't care what happened to me...

_Dragging that up again, huh? _ I laughed, holding the gun in my hand.

"In fact..." Sora said with a tone that matched an expression of pride, "The only one who ever loved you was Natsuko and we all know how well that turned out!"

_Mom..._ _Maybe I don't know what love is, still, now... I'll never know what it is. Hell, I was with the bearer of love for years now and it taught me nothing. I... She's going to take the kids forever. Everyone will believe her lies, just like the nieghbor..._

_ Jyou... would you believe her, too? _

* * *

><p>I woke up to a white light. Everything slowly faded into focus and I could hear my throat trying to make sounds but it was sore. I went to reach up to touch it, but my arm was held down. I tried to move my other arm, but it was held down as well. I opened my eyes completely in a panic.<p>

"Son, it's okay!"

"Dad...?" I whispered, feeling his hands on mine. Then he, too, came into focus next to me. I was in a room. A hospital room. I could hear beeping of monitors and everything smelled clean. "Dad, why am I here?"

"...you don't remember?" My father sighed, sitting back in the chair. He hadn't shoved for some time.

"Feels... like a dream," I told him.

"Son, you shot yourself in the head," he hissed.

Then all those thoughts came back to me and I crunched my eyes closed. "God... why didn't you just let me die?" I laughed.

My father stood at this and I could see his arm shaking. He would have surely hit me if the door hadn't opened. That was when I saw Jyou. His eyes were red but he was displayed in a full surgeon's uniform. It was a little different than his nights at the bar or lounging around at home. "He's awake. Thank goodness..."

"Jyou..." I whispered. "So, let me guess, Sora's told you everything?"

"She's out there being detained by Ken because she won't stop screaming about you, actually," Jyou replied with a smile that seemed a little playful.

"Sounds about right," I chuckled.

"What the Hell were you thinking?!" my Dad barked.

"...Dad... I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just didn't know what else to do..."

"Your mother is not two doors over and your trying to kill yourself?" he seethed, grabbing the collar of my hospital gown. Jyou stepped forward, but hesitated to get between us. "She's already _given up_ and now you want to pull a stunt like this?"

"...I didn't know what else to do!" I repeated, trying to shake my hand free.

"Mr. Ishida," Jyou whispered. "Maybe you should take some time with your wife. Or, go to the roof and have a cigarette."

"...yeah," he grumbled, leaving the room. I had disappointed him and it hurt, but I couldn't change what I had done...

"Jesus, what's gotten into him?" I said. "So, can you get me out of these restraints now?"

"Yamato, damn it. This isn't a game. You nearly died!" Jyou barked. "You were dead for an entire two minutes!"

"...what?" I whispered, looking away from him.

"I was worried sick about you!" Jyou squealed. "Yamato..."

Then, the door opened again and I saw Takeru and Sora first. Jyou stepped back from my bed. Then, Taichi, Koushiro, Hikari, and Mimi joined us as well. The latter had smiles on their faces. Takeru and Sora however, looked down at me with disdain.

I had expected Takeru to come running in and hug me, but he just stood a foot from the end of my bed and glared at me. Sora was standing with him, her arms crossed. "Well, happy now? You've scarred the kids for life," Sora snapped.

"How low can you sink?" Takeru whispered. "All this to get out of seeing Mom, I'm guessing?"

"It's not like that, Takeru-"

"Tell him how it really is, Yamato," Sora snapped.

"Enough you guys," Taichi intervened. "Let's just be glad Yama's-"

"Shut it, gogglehead!" Sora demanded. "Yamato, you get your wish. I'll sign your damn divorce papers... but you know what? It will be a cold day in Hell before you see your kids again."

"Been there every second I've been with you," I smirked. After killing yourself, you kind of lose any fear you once had.

"What the Hell is your problem?" Takeru snapped. Any fear you once had... until your little brother isn't at your side wondering if you're alright...

I noticed Jyou had been darting his eyes between the three of us, but now he just sat in the chair Dad had been in, his head in his hands.

"She's been relentlessly accusing me of hurting my own children, she tricked me into marrying her by lying about being pregnant, she's generally just a hateful individual- anything else?" I said, swirling my wrist in the brace.

"All I can see is a woman who is trying to keep her family together," Takeru replied. "Kinda like Mom before you started with all your shit. I guess you just live to break up families, don't you?"

"Takeru, you take that back," I hissed.

"No, Takeru, go on, tell us. Tell us the truth about Yamato. He touched you, too, didn't he?" Sora smirked.

I looked at the others. _Were they really going to buy this?_ Koushiro seemed his usual uneasy self, but that was mostly because his husband, Taichi, was debating how to break up the fighting for once in his life. Hikari had long been struggling with Takeru and me, so this was nothing new to her. She took Mimi and went to tend to the kids who were waiting with a few nurses outside.

"Takeru! Admit it," Sora demanded. She would've stepped closer to me, but Jyou was seperating us. I saw her put her hand on Takeru and I couldn't help but be reminded of how Jureimon had done this same little mind game on me. "He touched you... didn't he?"

I began to sweat a little. What Sora had asked had a smidge of merit to it. As a teenager, such thoughts plagued my nightmares and crossed my mind, but I never acted on them. For the first time in my life, as my mother lay ill a few rooms away, I felt like I understood her plight. If it hadn't been for the cancer... she could've controlled herself... but I was still too angry to admit what everyone had been telling me my whole life was that simple fact.

I glanced at Takeru, wondering if he would tell the truth. It was a shame I even had to wonder, but then again, I hadn't confessed those feelings to anyone but Jyou, who did glance up at me with a spec of doubt on his face. Takeru could have sensed my feelings through brotherly intiution, but I hoped now of all times he would just be quiet if that was the case.

_Takeru... I can't tell what you're thinking..._ Nor could anyone else. We all waited for what he had to say. Takeru pursed his lips as he looked back at me... and he still remained silent.

"Oh, God, you did, didn't you?" Sora gasped at me. I was surprised she didn't point her finger while she was acting so melodramatic. Takeru looked down at his shoes. I closed my eyes. I didn't have time for this. That itch to kill myself slowly came back and I was kind of glad they had me tied down. "Look, he won't say anything, either."

"Because you're acting insane, Sora," Taichi defended.

"He's sick," Sora gagged, "Your own brother... If hurting an innocent child wasn't enough..."

Part of me did feel some weird nostalgia sickness, but currently I felt numb and beyond tired. I laid back and stared at the ceiling. Each word Sora threw at me was like another knife, like it had been for years. I was never going to escape her. I was an idiot to try. Like she would let me stay dead. I laughed.

"Fucker," she hissed, mistaking my laugh. She stormed out of the room. Jyou looked up as she shoved past the others.

I felt tears begin to stream down my cheeks and there was nothing I could do to hide them. Even the monitor beside me was betraying my own feelings as my heartbeat soared.

"Enough," Jyou said finally, before Takeru could say anything at all to explain his obvious betrayal. "Yamato needs rest. Takeru... if there really is anything you need to say, Ken is waiting outside."

Takeru blew him off and left shortly after Sora. Taichi reached over Jyou's long legs to take my hand. "Get better, buddy."

I couldn't smile at him. I wanted to. Koushiro gave me a weak smile and the two left.

"Jyou... thank you," I whispered weakly.

"Anytime..." he replied, sitting up a little. He had his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together. "How long have you had to put up with that?"

I looked into Jyou's eyes. He was holding something back. _What... What is it, Jyou?_

"Since Tsukuyomi was born," I admitted.

"Seven years?" Jyou coughed, running a hand through his bangs. I missed his long, beautiful hair from middle school. I couldn't say anything more to him. How was I supposed to explain myself? I looked out the window across the rooftops, past the trees, to a dying sky. "Why didn't you say anything?"

After I thought about why, I answered, "...I promised myself when my parents divorced that I would never let my kids go through that, Jyou. I broke that promise."

Jyou chuckled, "So, you blame yourself and you think the kids will blame you?"

"No," I cringed, pulling my shoulders close. Jyou undid the ties for a moment, but gave me a smile that said they were going back on as some kind of policy. I smiled and huddled into myself as best I could with a very sore scalp and wires all over God's creation. "I don't want them to blame themselves..."

"...still, you had choices," Jyou pressed, reaching over to me. His eyes began to gloss with pain. "You... didn't have to do this... You could've turned to any one of us!" He started crying and sat back again, pulling out his hair.

"...Jyou... it would have only made things worse."

"You always stood up for yourself before!" Jyou choked, "Why is it different now?"

"...stand up for myself... no," I said with a smile, "I've only ever fought for the others. I don't matter."

Frustrated, Jyou literally pulled out some of his hair and made a strange noise that was some cross of a yelp of pain and a sob. "Don't matter?!" he shrieked, his voice almost gone now as tears streamed down his warm cheeks. "When you're out of that bed, Yamato Ishida, I am going to kill you."

I blinked at him. He sounded just as concerned as my Dad. "I'm... sorry..."

He seemed surprised I would apologize at all the way he raised his eyebrows next. "Yes... well..." he tried to compose himself as if he had made a mistake to shown me what was the matter. "Just promise me something and promise me you won't break it this time."

"Shoot," I joked. He wasn't pleased and I think he almost got up and walked out of the room.

"Don't worry me like this anymore, ever..." he pleaded.

"...I'll try," I said with a smile, taking his hand in my own.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking in the Dark

Chapter 2: The Present

A/N: Please see the first chapter for background information and warnings. Thanks for reading and please review!

A/N 2: Please do not use any OCs you find here. They are my original characters from my own work. If you would like permission to use them, please message me! Thank you~

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><p>"Just because you're married doesn't make you a loving couple, and just having a child doesn't make you loving parents."<p>

"Tell me about it," Yamato muttered, clicking off the TV. "Why can't everyone understand that?"

The blonde sighed as his cell began to ring. Ever since he had gotten out of the hospital and started his divorce proceedings, he barely turned the thing on. No one was going to call him. Today, however, Jyou had taken it upon himself to charge the thing and left it on. Yamato checked the name: Noodles. Nickname for his father. He answered.

"Hey, son." Immediately Yamato recognized his father's voice sounding hoarse. He had never heard it sound such a way, except during _his_ divorce.

"Dad..." the blonde started, running a hand through his bangs. "...it's Mom, right?"

"I couldn't reach you last night."

"She's dead."

Yamato heard his father make a noise that was something like shame and pain mixed together. A confirmation that made Yamato growl from the back of his throat. He couldn't say more and his father wouldn't say more, so he hung up. He stared at the phone in his hands awhile and decided to call someone else he didn't feel like talking to. He dialed his little brother's number.

"Takaishi residence," answered Hikari.

_ Thank God. Takeru would have hung up on me._ "Hey, Hikari."

"Y-Yamato... are you calling to check on the kids again?"

"No, no," Yamato smiled, inhaling the kindness in Hikari's voice, "I actually wanted to talk to Takeru."

"Ah," she said. "W-Well..."

"He won't will he?"

"You know about your mother, then?" Hikari said weakly.

"How is... How is Takeru?" Yamato asked, his free hand forming a shaking fist. "I... I know he's hurting so much more than me."

"She was your mother, too, no matter what happened between you. Don't minimize it," Hikari said firmly. "As for Takeru... well, he's like his father a little. He's been locked away in his room writing since last night."

"Watch it or he'll end up like me," Yamato chuckled, touching the healing scar on his forehead. There was still a tiny dip in his skull behind the hairline where the bullet had taken a chunk. "I mean that in all seriousness..."

"I know you do, Yamato," Hikari said. "I'll tell him you called."

"Don't... it will just upset him," the older brother sighed.

"Well, just so you know, the kids are doing as best they can."

"Hanako still throwing fits and Tsukuyomi being a quiet little mouse?"

"You know your children well," Hikari chuckled. "I'm sure you'll get them back to you soon."

"...thank you, for seeing the light in me, Hikari," Yamato whispered. He hung up the phone as quickly as he had with his father. He didn't want to hear pity. He tossed the phone across the room.

Yamato went to the guest room, which for the past few weeks had become his room. His guitar sat in the corner, unused for nearly two decades now. He walked over to his dresser and pulled open the top drawer. Amongst his boxers were condoms, cigarettes, a bottle of cheap vodka, his old Digivice, and his harmonica. He shut the drawer after pulling out a pack of cigarettes.

Then he opened it, taking the last one. "Lucky me," he muttered, going out to the balcony.

Aiko had this bad habit of coming home when Yamato really needed a cigarette. He couldn't slip anything past the kid, so he didn't even bother lying about it. Aiko smiled and gave a knock on the glass before sitting down on the couch and turning on TV. As Yamato breathed out the burning chemicals through his nose, he watched the kid laugh. _I miss my children. I miss... No._ He threw the half used cigarette on the ground and stamped it repeatedly in what would be described as 'overkill', then went back inside. "Good afternoon, Aiko."

"Yamato-san," he replied. "You're not doing well, still..."

"Nah, guess I'm not. I told you that person close to me was really sick, remember?"

(A/N: Aiko is referring to "Goldfish", the first chapter of my fic "All the Fish in the Sea" where Aiko and Yamato discuss death.)

The child nodded. "Well... she passed away last night."

"You're not the type to be pitied," Aiko noted, squinting his eyes at what he hoped would be his third father in his lifetime. "But I think you need to understand I feel sorrow for you."

"Thanks, you little nerd," Yamato chuckled, sitting down next to him. "What are we watching?"

"...a documentary-"

"Nope!" the blonde cried, grabbing the remote. He changed it over to MS. They were playing old singles, and Yamato could see one of his on the list coming up. "Oh, Jesus, am I still on TV? I don't look anything like that anymore."

Aiko watched intently as the video came on for Gate~Door. Yamato buried his face behind a pillow. Not that he had hated being in the TEEN AGE WOLVES, but because to look back on himself in that time was just embarassing for him.

"Whose that guy?" Aiko questioned, pointing to their pianist.

"That is... Akira. He kinda looked like you then, didn't he?" Yamato said, peering out from behind the pillow.

_I wrapped up my invisible anxieties in you, but your eyes are lost_

_ Your wavering confidence is different than usual... our bodies are trembling._

_ Because I don't wanna be like that, will you hold me in your arms?_

"Do you still write music?" Aiko questioned.

Yamato chewed the inside of his cheek a second. "Not really... I gave it up."

"You can't give up a part of yourself, can you?"

Yamato ran a hand across his chest, "You have no idea, kiddo."

Aiko frowned a little. "Yamapapa."

"What?"

"Yamapapa. That is the name I've decided on for you. I mean, you'll be staying with us permenantly right?"

"What makes you think that?" the blonde smirked, crossing his arms. Blue eyes stared down at the child next to him. _God bless this little mini-Jyou. _

"W-Well, it's a little impolite to explain."

"You know your Dad and I are old friends?" Yamato asked with that same smug expression.

"Well, you're the first guy Dad has had over that hasn't left the next day..." Aiko whispered, squeezing his hands in his lap nervously.

"So, you wouldn't mind if your Dad and I... you know?"

"Had sex?"

Yamato turned beet red, "H-Hey, that's only part of it."

"No, I don't mind," Aiko stated. A smile went across the kid's face.

"You have a sense of humor, unlike your father," Yamato chuckled.

"I'm home!" called a voice a few feet away. Jyou.

He slipped off his shoes and hung his coat on the rack nearby. "I can't believe I'm actually home. I guess that's not a good thing, considering when I'm home early, it usually means my patient didn't make it to surgery, but... How are you two?"

"Long day?" Yamato breathed.

"I'm watching Yamato-san on television!" Aiko said, pointing excitedly to the TV screen.

"So, you are," Jyou said, glancing at Yamato who was once again embarassed. "You were beautiful, then."

"Oh, so I'm not now?"

"I didn't say that," Jyou replied, putting away his files and keys and pens and ID. He stopped at the kitchen island that overlooked the living room and sighed at the notepad. "Did you take any messages while sitting at home doing nothing, Yamato?"

"No one called," the blonde smiled.

"The phone is unplugged," Aiko noted.

"Hey, don't tell him that," Yamato hissed in a playful whisper.

"You two are trouble," Jyou said, eyeing them from behind his glasses. "So... Aiko, up for a puzzle?"

"Yeah!" Aiko said, rushing over to the bookshelf that spanned the entire wall behind the couch. Aside the medical journals, encyclopedias, and the occasional manga, there was a slew of puzzles.

Yamato watched as the kid tossed one onto the dining table. "I'm not too great at puzzles. I can cook, if you want."

"You've cooked every night," Jyou smiled.

"I need something to do when my life is falling apart at the speed of a freaking rocket."

"Speaking of... I thought you would have grabbed the mail," the other said, waving an envelope. "It's from JAXA~"

Yamato held his breath and rushed over, tearing open the letter. His blue eyes darted across the stark white paper.

"What's going on?" Aiko asked a little absent mindedly. He already had half the edge of the puzzle done.

"They said... they said I can come back as soon as I complete training again," Yamato repeated the words from the envelope in disbelief. Jyou pulled Yamato aside into the hallway, to the blonde's confusion. He hesitated to say what needed to be said.

"You heard... about your mother?"

Yamato nodded, what little of his bangs that had remained from the giant fluff that once was, bouncing with his head. "...what do you want for dinner?" He walked away, giving Aiko a pat on the head before starting for the kitchen. He tore open the fridge, overwhelmed by the options. At his father's they never had that much and with Sora, it was all whatever she wanted. Here, Jyou had a unique blend of health and junk that Yamato could experiment with.

Jyou frowned, holding the envelope Yamato had shoved into his hands. He set it on the desk with a sigh and took a seat with Aiko. The rest of the evening went pretty much the same. There was a little talk of the Digital World, better times, and a few 'funny incidents' from Yamato's band days. Aiko retired to bed early at Jyou's request. The blue haired man had gathered the dishes and started them and Yamato lazily watched from the couch.

"Will you say anything, now?" Jyou whispered.

"What is there to say?" Yamato laughed. _Laughed._

"Your mother is dead, Yamato."

"Horray, the wicked witch is dead!" the blonde said, throwing his arms up in the air.

Jyou wasn't swayed by the blonde's obvious attempt at joking his way around his pain. It reminded the doctor more of Taichi than Yamato. The entire attitude was strange and Jyou thought for awhile, waiting for some kind of outburst. Anything. The two each minded their own business and eventually Yamato grew tired and went back to his room. He took the bottle from earlier and unscrewed the lid.

* * *

><p>"Takeru, pick up the damn phone!" Yamato screamed at his cell. The thing wasn't even <em>on<em>. He pressed the numbers over and over, not even hitting the right keys, even though he _thought_ he was hitting them. "Takeru, you ungrateful asshole."

Yamato went out into the living room and stared around in the dark. He tossed the phone across the floor and screamed. "Why won't you fucking answer me?!" Yamato grabbed the end table nearest him for balance and eventually just tossed the entire thing over, breaking a lamp. "You get away with... feeling no pain..." The drunk tried to form his words but most of them came out in slurred drawls that might be words if you could squint your ears. "You always leave... no one did anything..." Yamato's thoughts bounced from one thing to another and he screamed again as tears tried to force their way out. "I hate you, I hate her, I hate all you fuckers!"

"...you hate me, too?" Yamato didn't hear the voice behind him. Jyou was watching the entire idiotic display from the frame of the hallway. He had quietly ushered Aiko back to bed and to stay there. "I know acting like a prison inmate worked at your old place, but I like to keep my things _not_ broken. That includes you, Yamato."

The blonde turned this time, an ugly glare on his face. "Fuck you, Jyou."

"Not to mention, you reek like you poured a bottle of nail polish remover in your hair. Where did you get that anyway?" Jyou pointed to the empty bottle on the counter- one of the few things that wasn't broken.

"I bought... occasion," Yamato managed, stumbling Jyou's direction.

_You got yourself into this train wreck, Jyou. _The lover walked over to his boyfriend and lead him gently to the couch as he began to sob uncontrollably. _I'd rather see this than that darkness again_, Jyou thought. Struggling more with Yamato's words than his fists, Jyou was able to settle the man down. He draped a quilt over him, wondering if his friend had ever been tucked in as a kid. Yamato passed out quickly and Jyou grabbed the waste bucket from his computer desk... just in case, and set it nearby. _You'll be the one regretting this in the morning, at least. Not me._

Yamato did regret it. A lot. After waking up a few times to puke in the night, Yamato was finally woken by something else: a mix of voices and a pounding head ache. Groggily and grumpily he sat up, looking himself over. He smelled bad and his eyes felt like they were weighed down with lead. The curtains were only partially open, unlike normal, where the sunlight beamed in.

Aiko was sitting in the chair across from Yamato, watching him intently while also eating a bowl of cornflakes. Yamato tried to give a smile but to even be alive was hurting him. Still, he couldn't help but think Aiko looked just like Takeru when he ate cereal...

Jyou was over at the computer desk. He had thrown a piece of paper on the floor, forgetting that the trash can was still a reeking pot near the couch. He gave a laugh that echoed through Yamato's skull. "Yeah, I might tell him but seriously I thought he was going to tear my house apart like a tornado. In fact, I'm sure he would have if I hadn't calmed him down." Jyou hesitated, listening to the person on the other end. "Have you seen this man _really drunk_ and _angry_?"

An ocean of guilt overwhelmed the disgruntled blonde as he tried to sit up a little better, as he tried to regain memories of the night before. However, those visions were lost to the minds of any witnesses, fleeting from Yamato forever. "Tell... what?" Yamato asked in what came out as a whisper, since his normal speaking tone sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

"Oh, he woke up earlier than I thought," Jyou said, spinning around in the chair. "Ha, ha, yeah... he probably could use his best friend right now-"

"No friends!" Yamato barked, grabbing his skull.

"Scratch that, he's still onery." A pause as what distinctly was Taichi's voice on the other end drabbled on. "Yeah, I'm taking the day off."

"Don't," Yamato insisted, holding out one arm and shielding his eyes with the other. Even with the curtains drawn and his eyes closed the light hurt. Aiko still watched intently. "This was SO much easier in middle school!" the blonde cried out in pain dramatically.

"Yeah, that's him..." Jyou laughed. Despite the annoyance, the boyfriend was thoroughly amused by his lover's pain. "Later."

Yamato watched as Jyou hung up the phone. "I can take care of myself," the blonde started, throwing his legs over the side of the couch, "Go to work."

"Like I'm leaving _you_ alone after your mother passed away," Jyou blurted.

"Why not?"

"Let's see... I used to have five lamps. I can only find two of them."

_I never knew you were keeping count_, Yamato thought.

"Father," Aiko interrupted. Jyou turned to his son. "I'm going to school now. I have band practice so I'll be running a little later than usual."

"Okay, Aiko," Jyou replied, meeting his son's body for a hug and kiss on the forehead before Aiko went to put his bowl in the sink. He gathered his things and then walked back over to Yamato and gave a polite bow. "Thanks to you, Papayama, I'll never drink as long as I live!" He then left promptly afterwards, Jyou trying to hide his laughing behind his hand.

"Papayama... think he's attatched?" Yamato asked, gritting his teeth.

"It's a cute nickname," Jyou snorted.

"God... Jyou..." Yamato said, burying his head into a pillow. "I'm so sorry."

"Just promise you'll be there for me when I pull a stupid stunt like that."

"You won't..." Yamato whined, rolling over on the couch.

"Let me guess," Jyou breathed, leaning onto his knees. "You _don't_ want to talk about it."

"...I guess, I'm kinda numb."

"Because numb means waking me up at three a.m., yelling and punching."

"Well, damn, Jyou, you _know_ I'm angry. I didn't get to the know the bitch and when I did she was sick in the head. I feel cheated!"

"Sounds like my mother."

"Your mother didn't rape you for two years while your father ignored everything and you knew if you didn't do it then your little brother in the next room was just as viable!"

Jyou held his breath. Not only was Yamato using some strong vocabulary, but in the thirty some years the boys had known one another, Yamato had never referred to what happened to him as outright rape. It was as if his mother's death had finally allowed him to admit it and realize all the things he had been choking down, accumiliating and erupting in a lack of inhibition.

"Yamato..." Jyou whispered finally.

"Why won't my brother talk to me?!" Yamato cried, his voice cracking, hoarse from screaming the same thing all night long. "I called him... and I called... and he won't answer-!"

"Yamato, put down the phone," Jyou said. When he wouldn't, Jyou took it and tossed it across the island into the sink. "Now listen to me... Your brother isn't speaking to you because he's hurting as much as you are. When he realized the evils of the world sit at home, he couldn't admit it to himself, in turn unable to admit what happened to you was real. That breaks his idolization of you, so when you challenge it... He's probably just as fucked up as you on the inside, if it makes you feel any better."

"Sure you're a _that kind_ of head doctor?" Yamato smirked.

"I'm whatever _you_ need, Yamato," Jyou said sternly.

The hungover man stared at his feet, watching as one toe poked out from one of an array of holes in his socks. Jyou sighed and joined his friend on the couch, leaning in and hugging him.

Yamato hadn't felt any human contact in years. When he and Sora did _anything_ it was always a show for the world to watch. _Guess I never really left the performing arts..._ Yamato snorted and laughed that goober laugh he got when something was truly hillarious, leaving Jyou bewildered as to what was so damn funny. "I fucking hate you, Sora..." the blonde laughed.

"...let me talk to Takeru for you," Jyou offered.

"Huh?"

"Well, he may be a homophobic jerk, but we're still friends... until he finds out you're staying with me and not just 'some friends', anyway."

"He would rather be friends with a 'fag' then his own brother," Yamato snapped.

"Correction: his own brother who is not only a fag but living a lie in a broken marriage."

"Thanks, Jyou. Thanks. You always know when to open that big mouth of yours."

Jyou eyed the blonde with a smirk, "Yeah, _I do_, don't I?"

Yamato laughed and shoved him away. His smile melted Jyou's heart a little, compared to seeing him completely trashed most of the time. "I would love to fuck you but I'm a bit under the weather if you haven't noticed."

"You always did get the sniffles after you drank too much," Jyou whined. "You're killing your immune system, your liver, and your brain is shrinking-"

"Calm down," Yamato urged.

"...right. Let me call Takeru. Aside his undying forgiveness, what else should I ask the little brat?"

"Do they know when the funeral is?" Yamato wondered, all emotion leaving his face.

"Thursday."

"Here?"

"France," Jyou noted, glancing at the calendar. "Being buried with the rest of the Takaishi family."

Yamato scoffed. His mother's side of the family was more useless than his mother. "A hangover and jet lag, my lucky day... Man... I don't have any money and you know Takeru won't take me. Hell, if he sees me he might just ban me from the thing entirely. On that note, why the fuck am I going?"

"So... my never ending love means nothing to you?"

"What?"

"I can take you to France," Jyou said.

"How are you going to get that much time off from the hospital?"

"Well, in leiu of any special circumstances requiring my unique assistance, I have a shit ton of vacation days."

"You _would_," Yamato replied. "God... now what? I've never been through something like this..."

"What do you usually do after a hangover?" Jyou quipped.

"Feel like dying, try to pull the imaginary axe from my forehead," the blonde retorted.

"Well, I say we go and order some flowers and get you a nice suit."

"I have a suit. I'm not _that_ trashy," Yamato blurted, giving a playful glare to Jyou.

Jyou held his hand up to his boyfriend's face, brushing back tangled strands. "The one you wore to your divorce preceedings?" Jyou breathed and tried to hold back a laugh. "That thing looked like it was from your _parent's_ divorce."

"It _was_," Yamato snorted. _Like I'm gonna spend money on a suit for a marriage I didn't want, to impress a bunch of assholes who just want to take my kids away, or any other reason._

"It's a date then."

"A date... so we're not just gonna be fuck buddies? You disappoint me," Yamato said, getting his lips dangerously close to the other.

Jyou was unsure if that was sarcasm or a punch in the gut to the years they spent with unrequited love. "I should get to know you. It's not like Sora let you talk to anyone. God... all that work the homeostasis did trying to get you to be _friendly_ and she fucking undoes it."

"Don't even mention the damned thing," Yamato spat, pulling back the top of his black dress shirt, which was already buttoned shittily, revealing his collarbone and a circular scar just below. Yamato coughed to hide his disdain.

"Let's go to that cafe we like," Jyou said happily, grabbing Yamato's hands in his own. "Get some coffee... sober you up..."

"Uh... Jyou..." Yamato started nervously, "That cafe doesn't exist anymore."

"Since when?!"

"Since Tsuku was in diapers?" Yamato pondered. "But no prob, I know a place."

"We're not going to a night club or a dive bar, are we?" Jyou cringed.

Yamato punched the other in the shoulder. Hard. "What is this? High school?"

"Well, you haven't seen daylight since then," Jyou remarked.

"I had a reunion tour," Yamato argued, throwing his arm around Jyou and pressing his nose to the other's face, raising his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

"And _where_ did you spend all your time?"

"Shooting up in a bathroom stall." Jyou gasped and pulled away. Yamato rolled his eyes. "You still have no clue what sarcasm is, do you?"

"...so where are we eating, then?" Jyou grumbled.

* * *

><p>"A maid cafe?" Jyou sighed, covering his face in his hands. He wasn't nearly anywhere as red-faced as Yamato, who even at his age, still had women all over him.<p>

The blonde groaned, burying his face in his arms. "I'm sorry, but this was the only place I could think of. Besides, _Yutaka_ owns it."

"I'm surprised you remember his name," Jyou said. "Still... reminds me of that old cafe."

"That's the other reason," Yamato admitted, gently waving off a few women who had crowded their table. "Well, outside that creepy girl that looked like my mother..."

Jyou let his friend trail off. "So, how are you going to get to the funeral, anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

Jyou sighed, "Ugh, do you even think of the multitude of problems? Sora has a restraining order, Takeru is ignoring you, you can't even leave the country right now because of the false accusations. Five minutes ago, you didn't even have the money to go if it wasn't for me."

"Uh, well..." Yamato frowned.

"Ah, sorry..." Jyou started. "This isn't really date conversation is it?"

"Yeah... so, when were you planning on telling me about Aiko?" Yamato started, flipping through the menu.

"What about him?"

"_How_? Haven't you been gay your entire life?"

A few of the girls giggled at them. Yamato flashed a smile. Jyou nodded politely for no reason, "That's... well, you remember Nana, right?"

"That girl who followed Jun around?"

"She's Aiko's mother. We, uh, well... I didn't really want to, but she came onto me and I just... things happen, Ishida," Jyou remarked, his words getting more fumbled each time and his cheeks burning hotter with each breath. "Aiko had a father, there, but Shinjiro passed away from cancer." Yamato's eyes turned away at the mention. "A few years later, Nana went missing."

"Missing?" Yamato questioned.

"Her body turned up later... I won't go into details, but... well, Nana had left Aiko to me. So, now he's living with his real father, but we don't forget who his parents were."

The blonde nodded. "So, he's well adjusted right? Maybe my kids can be, too?"

"What happened to you, Yamato?" Jyou asked straight-out.

"What happened to me..." Yamato chuckled. "I was tricked into marrying Sora and giving up my future at NASA. I had a beautiful little girl and for years I put up with this attitude from Sora with no idea as to why. She cut me off from my friends, my family... then we had Tsukuyomi. All the while, I'm struggling with Takeru. He can't decide if he hates me or tolerates me. Now, the woman I've despised nearly my entire life finally dies and I can't be happy about it!"

"...are you alright, sweetie? Can I... uh, take your order, doll?" asked one of the girls, clearly disturbed by the blonde's outburst. (It didn't help that Yamato now maintained a smugness that he imagined he would have if he could let himself be happy.)

Jyou ordered a rasberry tea and Yamato ordered a black coffee.

"So, a train wreck?" Jyou summarized.

"No, a train wreck would have been easier to clean up," Yamato muttered into his hand. "I still have my chance..."

"No!" Jyou cried, desperately grabbing the other's hands. "Look... I didn't wait this long just for you to throw your life away."

"You sound like Gabumon... So, tell me why this is worth it."

"I'm not worth it, then?" Jyou asked, his voice cracking. "Then what are we doing here on this date then?"

Yamato wasn't sure. "I... want to be happy, Jyou. I just don't know how. I can't see the bright side of things all the time like you and the others."

"You're an empathetic person, that's all. Heck, I kind of wish I gave a damn about others sometimes... most people just get under my skin." This made Yamato smile a little and Jyou smiled back in confidence that he was getting somewhere with his old friend. "So... before we get too into things... are you... you know?"

"...does it matter? Can I just love _you_ instead?" Yamato asked, squeezing the other's hand tightly. The two looked into each other's eyes for a long time, until a wail interrupted them.

"I should have known you would come to a sleazebag place like this," Sora sneered, crossing her arms as she left Miyako behind and neared her husband and Jyou.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Yamato snapped.

"I'm here picking up Miyako... she works part time here, you know," the redhead replied.

"Well, _you're_ not supposed to be within fifty feet of me," Yamato seethed, glaring up at the woman so harshly, only a sliver of blue was visible in his eyes. Jyou winced in silence as his boyfriend tried to break every bone in his hand.

"I'm just leaving," Sora said. "Huh, wait until I tell my lawyer my soon-to-be ex-husband is dating men."

"What does that have to do with-" Jyou started, but Yamato raised a soft finger to the boy's lips.

"Next time you come near me, Sora-"

"Is that a threat, Mr. Ishida?" she smiled proudly.

_Oh, God, I wish it was. I would take one of those maid aprons and strangle you with it until your face turns blu-_ "Yamato!~" Jyou squealed, tugging at his palm and fingers. "You're crushing me!~"

The blonde pulled away, "S-Sorry."

"Still don't have that anger in check, do you?" Jyou asked, rubbing his sore hand.

Yamato reached over and kissed it, causing an eruption of giggles and muffled comments from outside the window where Sora and Miyako continued on their way. "Whatever... I don't even know why I'm bothering with the funeral."

"...no one technically asked you if you wanted to go, so... do you?" the other whispered, taking a sip from his tea.

"...I'm not sure if that's the best thing."

"Don't you want closure?"

"Only women want closure."

"Ah, so all you want is misery. Sounds about right."

"I can be happy," Yamato retorted, sipping his coffee begrungindly.

"Yes, and when you are... it's so beautiful," Jyou replied, running his once-sore hand over Yamato's arm. He gazed up the other's arm to his chest to the jacket collar snapped via clasp at his neck. "Although, the reason I first noticed you was because of your _misery_."

"Really?" Yamato asked, sipping his coffee.

Jyou nodded. "You stood out more than you know. Always chasing after Takeru... and with your blonde hair and blue eyes, who wouldn't notice you? But that wasn't why _I_ noticed you."

"To be honest," Yamato's smile crinkled and he blushed, "I thought you were an annoying geek."

"I'm a nerd, thank you. Koushiro is a geek," Jyou corrected, giving their personal maid a smile as she set down the check, rolling her eyes.

Yamato didn't seem pleased and he noticed the girls at the register were talking about them. Giggling. "Guess we're overstaying our welcome. Probably all Sora's friends. Here I was hoping we found a nice place again."

"Ah, well, who needs 'em," Jyou said, paying the check and leading Yamato out. He made sure to stay between him and any of the workers, just to make the blonde more secure. Jyou reached around Yamato's waist with his hand, to lovingly guide him, but the blonde jerked away.

"S-Sorry," Yamato said, stopping still in the sidewalk outside the cafe. "I... haven't been touched by someone that really loved me in a long time, so... I can't..."

"Yamato, it's fine. I of all people understand you, remember?" Jyou pleaded, tilting underneath Yamato's downward gaze. His glasses began to slide and Yamato adjusted them.

"No contacts?" the blonde wondered.

"Too much trouble and too expensive," Jyou sighed, "Besides, my glasses are part of me by now."

"I think you're cute with them," Yamato admitted, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his NASA jacket. "So, I hope you're not planning on Sora's place for flowers..."

"Hey, I hope you know me better than that..." Jyou sighed, "I'm not _Taichi_."

"Then, where are we going?"

"You know, you never told me Yutaka worked with Miyako..."

"I didn't know. Now, where are we going, Kido?"

Jyou held a finger to his lips, glancing around, "This way... It's down this street."

"What is?" the blonde pressed, growing impatient.

"Webb Arrangements. Belongs to Iori's wife."

"Wow. Even through my entire divorce, he hasn't mentioned it. I guess he keeps things personal."

"Iori is a very private person, but so is Layn, his wife, so I'm not surprised. I still meet up with him on occasion."

"Eh, aside that thing with Takeru and this divorce, I barely know the guy," Yamato replied as they entered the flower shop.

"Jyou-san!" greeted Layn. Yamato looked her over. Beautiful lavendar hair. Thin as a rail. A tiny smile. Perfect for Iori, surely. "Is this Yamato-kun?"

Yamato glanced at Jyou, and then to Layn. He tossed her a nod.

"Oh, he's so stoic," Layn chirped. "So, what can I get for you two?"

Yamato laughed off the remark and then remembered- no, realized –why he was there. _I'm ordering flowers for my... for my... mother... Even in death, I still struggle to call her that. I still struggle to forgive her. What the Hell kind of son am I? I know deep down it wasn't her fault, but the fact that those feelings existed deep down inside her makes my stomach churn. Whos to say she would never attempt to touch me again...? To __**rape**__ me again?_ The blonde began to shiver at the thought and he balanced himself on the counter.

Jyou gently grabbed him so he wouldn't supposedly fall, but Yamato shoved him away trying to regain his breath and composure. Jyou backed away and gave him a nod.

"What would you like to get her?" Layn asked. Yamato must have thought through their conversation. He felt bad for losing himself in front of a stranger... and he was sure she knew of Sora's accusations.

"I'm sorry... I think I'll wait outside," the blonde started, but Jyou grabbed his wrist. This time, Yamato didn't pull away.

"Hey, don't be like that," Jyou hissed. "What's gotten into you?"

"...Jyou," Yamato whispered as Layn observed them, "What she must think of me... That same look Miyako gives me..."

"Iori doesn't talk about his work at home," Jyou remarked, "Now stop thinking of all that mess from your past and think about the present."

Layn's expression grew more puzzled as the two continued in hushed whispers.

"It's my fucking rapist mother, what do you want from me?" Yamato remarked probably a bit too loudly.

"Pick a damn flower, Yamato," Jyou said sternly.

Layn put on her best smile. "Anything. I'll even give you our employee discount."

"Lillies. That's all," Yamato said and hurried out the door.

Jyou looked between them and apologized profusely for Yamato's behavior before rushing to follow him outside. He caught him about halfway down the block and whirled him around. "Yamato, what's on your mind?" The blonde remained stubbornly silent. "Please, I'm begging you to tell me. I can't help you like this."

"...I can't forgive her, Jyou," Yamato's breath was shaking and Jyou could see his entire tense face trying to restrain tears. Tears the man wished his new lover would not hold back.

"So, that's what's bothering you. Yamato, no one can expect you to just magically change how you feel about someone, especially your mother. She wasn't all perfect, like Takeru thinks, you know."

"Jyou... Jyou... I didn't even know my own mother. All these years, all I could see was the shame, guilt, and dirtiness that I felt every day growing up. I would watch the kids in my class go on like nothing was bothering them; meanwhile," Yamato's voice cracked and he scurried away from curious eyes, "Meanwhile," he continued as Jyou followed him. They had reached a small park and stood next to the shrine entrance. "I'm sitting around wondering why I don't want to go home after school. I'm sitting around wondering why I can't control basic things like sleeping and pissing. I'm sitting around picking fights with the other kids because that's all I see at home while my younger brother lays helpless in the next room!"

"Yamato-" Jyou said, pulling the blonde closer to him into a hug. "Everything... everything is fine, because none of that matters anymore. Your kids need a father, not the six year old that is stuck asking questions with no answers or answers that he can't possibly understand. They need the Yamato I know who doesn't let a little darkness get him down."

"Jyou," Yamato sighed, nuzzling into the other's shoulder. He could smell the other's hair, clean and soft against the tip of his nose. "Please... tell Layn I'm sorry..."

"No worries. She's had her share of rocky roads, too," Jyou replied. "Now, you don't have to go to this funeral, but... I think it would be better for you as a person if you did. I'm telling you, you would do better to finally forgive a corpse than try to forgive a ghost." Jyou fluttered his hands out as the mere mention of ghosts. He hated horror movie night with Yamato as a kid...

"I don't know what to do. I feel like, my entire life, I've never known what to do."

Jyou laughed, startling his boyfriend, "I-I'm sorry, it's just... Yamato, _no one_ knows what to do. Ever! That's part of life."

"...yeah, I guess."

"Now, even if you don't get to go to this funeral... maybe we can find you a nice suit for some job interviews or something."

"I have a job..." Yamato remarked as they started walking again.

"Oh? I didn't notice considering you haven't been in _two months_."

"I own a garage," the blonde explained. "Not my life's work, but it paid the bills... kept Sora happy... ish."

"I never wanted to be a doctor, but here I am having spent some odd fifteen years of my life in higher education!" Jyou chuckled. "Besides, you could always keep the suit for our wedding."

Yamato began to sweat, "Jyou, I'm not even legally _divorced_ yet. What if it turns out we hate each other?"

"Then, you're just good at being trapped in bad marraiges, I guess!" Jyou piped. "Now, here's the suit shop."

"Is there gonna be some distant relative running it?"

"Knowing my life, probably," Jyou muttered. "I haven't been here before, but a co-worker reccomended this place."

"What makes this place so special?" Yamato asked. He folded his arms as they walked inside the store. It was like any typical clothing shop. Mannequins, which Yamato wasn't too fond of... too close to marrionettes and he didn't even want to get back on that memory lane bandwagon.

"Well, I went here once for a suit and it fit okay."

"That's it?"

"Not every place can have someone insane working it," Jyou retorted. "Now, let's pick you out a nice suit."

"As long as it's not pink," Yamato started.

"This is a funeral, not a wedding. Besides... who do you think I am, Mimi?" Jyou mumbled.


	3. Chapter 3

Walking in the Dark

Chapter 3: The Future

A/N: Please see the first chapter for background information and warnings. Thanks for reading and please review!

A/N 2: Sorry this is a very Takeru/Hikari centric (and short) chapter, but it's necessary! Enjoy~

A/N 3: I'm so sorry for the derogatory terms in this chapter and later chapters... I'm gay myself, so these things even make my feelings hurt! There's good reasons for everything, though, as you'll see...

A/N 4: Near the end of this chapter it refers to "the Digital World's permenant closure". In this headcanon, BlackWarGreymon sealed all ports to the Digital World, forever.

* * *

><p>Hikari Takaishi glanced at her husband's cell, which had been going off most the evening. All the calls read the same thing: ONIICHAN. She was surprised as on and off as the two's relationship was, that Takeru had never changed it. She hoped deep down somewhere that he still believed in his brother, but with each passing year her hope waned alongside him.<p>

Finally, the mother and wife couldn't take it anymore and on the 7th call, she answered, "Takaishi Residence." A pause as Yamato Ishida greeted her. She forgot he had gone back home, although to where was anyone's guess. No one had said anything and the her brother-in-law wasn't talking, either. She could only picture Yamato how she had last seen him, staring out from the restrained, weak body of the hospital bed, missing most of the hair on the side of his head where a row of stitches held what was left of his sanity together.

She had always expected that out of Yamato, since he had always been troubled around her... but Takeru lately wasn't himself, either and she worried. At least with Takeru, she could try and understand. Natsuko had gone into the hospital... then Yamato... After nearly losing his older brother, he _did_ lose his mother. Hikari was still trying to piece together what was going on with the Takenouchi marriage, since no one was giving her straight answers. All she knew was that Sora had accused Yamato of terrible things, but how could it just so suddenly fall apart?

Turning to the guest room, which Takeru had selfishly hogged despite having to suddenly take in two more kids to their home, she feared that her marriage was going down the same drain. She hadn't seen the light under the door go out all night. She cringed as she heard the boys breaking something in the background (most likely) and gave a quick knock on the door.

"Takeru?" she asked when he hadn't responded to the knock.

"Yes?" she heard him snap from the other side. Hikari could hear papers ruffling. _Obviously, he's still mulling over the will and testament..._ she figured.

However, there was one thing in particular he had been agonizing over. Takeru could handle having to go through every last possession of his mother's, selling her apartment... heck, somehow he wouldn't even worry about covering the medical debt, but the hardest part of the entire thing was dealing with the living.

He ran his hand over a leather bound photo album. He had gone to visit his mother often in her last few months before the hospitilization and remembered her working endlessly on it, even to the point she would forget Takeru's name. He leaned onto one elbow as he flipped through the pages and ignored the blank screen in front of him for chapter eleven of his book.

As he thumbed through, he wasn't sure what to expect, except pictures. Inside, though, were very few of himself and even then, only ones of him no older than three. All of the pictures were of the early years in Hikarigoaka. None of them did his mother look sad, his father distant, and his brother ashamed. In fact, it was very strange to see his brother smile so broadly and covered in spaghetti.

The inside cover read, hand-written in ink, "For all the years I remembered but you couldn't."

Takeru slammed the book closed. _**Wouldn't**__ would have been a better choice of words, Mom._

"Ae you okay?" Hikari insisted once more.

"That phone call... was it Yamato?" Takeru questioned.

"Yes, he was asking about you, if you're okay."

"As fine as I can be having to raise _his_ kids."

"Takeru," Hikari pressed, uncurling her fist against the door frame. "You _know_ your brother isn't taking this any easier than you."

Takeru, fed up, walked over and opened the door, staring his lovely wife in the eyes. "He's probably out getting wasted."

"Because he's in pain," Hikari argued. She normally didn't defend Yamato's bad behavior, but Takeru... Hikari counted to five in her mind, controlling her temper.

"He's just a disappointment to everyone. Mom, Dad, me... doesn't matter so long as he can sit back and feel sorry for himself," Takeru breathed.

Hikari's face was growing red with anger, "Listen here Takeru Takaishi. That's your brother. All he's ever wanted from you was a little _hope_, a little faith. All those years he was trying to protect you from what happened to him and when he finally feels he can open up to you, you two can't decide for the last _fifteen years_ if you want to speak to one another. All he's ever wanted... All Yamato's ever wanted from you, Takeru, was your acceptance, because for him, that was you protecting him. He thought he could always have you. You would always understand. What happened to that boy?"

"You didn't see how his selfishness destroyed our mother for _years_!" Takeru barked, throwing his hand against the door frame. Hikari stepped back and glanced over at the kids' room. She hoped they weren't listening. "Our mother died waiting for him. All _she_ wanted was a little forgiveness. A goodbye. He wouldn't even give her that."

* * *

><p>Takeru couldn't take watching his mother any longer. She had been having seizures all afternoon and finally just slept in the peace of her hospital bed. He had heard the doctors talking about 'a meeting' in the morning to discuss Natsuko's health. Takeru almost broke down crying in the middle of the hall. How could this be happening? She had been well for years... there was no reason for the cancer to come out of remission... except...<p>

_Yamato, if you hadn't made her so damned depressed all the time... _Takeru fumed, squeezing the empty coffee cup closed in his hands.

That was when the blonde male noticed a familiar looking doctor heading his way. "Jyou-san..." Takeru started as the blue haired man started to pass him.

"Oh, T-Takeru..." he replied. "What's going on?"

"Like you don't know," Takeru muttered, his gaze going towards his mother's room of the ICU.

"...I didn't know it was Natsuko," he admitted.

Takeru fumed. "You aren't on my mother's case, are you?"

"...no, I'm not," Jyou breathed, realizing that Takeru didn't want him anywhere near Natsuko.

"Good, because I don't think she wants your sin-stained hands messing around in her brain," Takeru spat.

Jyou ignored him. It was just easier that way. "So... was it sudden?"

Takeru laughed in disbelief, "You know she's been going downhill awhile now."

"No... I didn't."

"What? My brother didn't tell you?"

"...I doubt he knows, either," Jyou said honestly, glancing into the ICU.

"...I thought maybe she was depressed at first because of all the Digital World shit," Takeru remarked, pushing past Jyou towards his mother's door. He glanced inside, watching the machine breathing for her. His voice cracked as he struggled with his next thought, "I was an idiot. I should have brought her here sooner! She was depressed, but I know she had changed... dizzy spells, weakness, mood swings..."

"The cancer," Jyou breathed.

Takeru swung his arm back, nearly knocking Jyou into a passing nurse. "What else?!" he screamed, tears settling in the corners of his eyes. "Oh, right, you know, the son she never sees!"

Jyou winced and stepped back.

"Even hearing his voice over the phone... to say happy birthday. To ask how she's doing. Anything," Takeru croaked, "I **begged **him to come see her, Jyou. Instead, he takes a gun to his head. He'd rather kill himself than have to visit her... I don't care what he thinks she did, that is just-!" Takeru screamed.

"He almost died, too," Jyou pressed, "His life is falling apart. He wasn't avoiding his mother, he was trying to escape a situation that he felt there was no way out of! Maybe if he had a brother to turn to-"

"You know, the last time we got together as a family, all of us, was twenty years ago? He hasn't said a word to her since that outing and all he could say then was how he wanted her dead. Well..." Takeru couldn't stop the tears now, "Now she is!"

"Takeru, you can't think like that. You need hope-"

"Don't fucking say that to me!" the man cried, "Don't tell me about _hope_. I hoped for years my brother would wake up and just set his anger aside. Give our mother the time of day for five minutes... just something so I didn't have to come home and find her peering over old photos or crying silently staring at the living room wall- fuck. Fuck."

Jyou held his breath. "I'm on my way to see Yamato in that room, there."

"Go," Takeru sniffled. "I wish he had been the one who died. This.. this wasn't what she needed..."

"You know you can't possibly mean that," Jyou whispered. "Takeru, that's your brother down there and he was dead if some very good doctors hadn't saved him!" Now, Jyou was unbelievably hurt. He had loved Yamato since they were children, as absurd as that sounds, and although they had never reconciled feelings save the diner, they always remained good friends. Jyou had been a nervous wreck only minutes ago, trying not to die of hyperventilating, surrounded by some of his closest co-workers.

"I don't take it back. Maybe the third time he uses a gun is the charm," Takeru spat, going in to see his mother. Jyou waited outside the hall a second, but then he saw most of the others form like a gaggle of Goosemon in front of Yamato's hospital bed. There was inaudible yelling and Jyou noticed Ken was with them, which wouldn't have been weird if he had been casually dressed, but he was in full on detective garb and had handcuffs ready in one hand.

As Jyou grew closer, there was Sora, raving about, "He molested my daughter, when are you going to do something about that?!"

_What the Hell?_ Jyou wondered. Sora shot a glare his direction as if saying, 'What are you doing here?'

"You need to calm down. We will have to place the kids somewhere for a few weeks. They can't stay in your house."

"My mother's then," Sora argued.

"Sorry, I just can't," Ken said, giving Jyou a glance. Sure, there was no legal reason, but Yamato wouldn't be thrilled with that idea.

"I'll take them in," Hikari offered. "I don't want them sitting around with strangers."

"Eh?" Koushiro started, "Hikari, shouldn't you wait for Takeru to make that kind of decision?"

Hikari smirked, "Do you want to take in two more mouths to feed, Koushiro?"

Taichi was giggling next to his husband. "Come on, let's go see Yamato."

* * *

><p>"What he did was wrong, Takeru, but when he realizes that, which, will be soon, let me tell you-"<p>

Takeru stormed past her, carrying the photo album. "I have a present for him. Happy? Maybe I can ruin his day a little more. Now, I'm going to find out where Yamato is if it kills me, too."

Hikari frowned, watching her husband leave. She turned back again to the kids, watching as Hanako looked over to her from a crack in the door and closed it. The woman's heart sank and she balanced herself on the nearby table just praying that for once everyone could just get along. No one could see how the fighting was wearing her down, too. But she wouldn't tell anyone, because she was the strong one. She had four kids to worry about, a brother-in-law that needed her, and a husband that needed her more than ever.

* * *

><p>Sora glanced down at her phone. She was unable to wipe the image of her soon-to-be ex-husband and his <em>boyfriend<em> from her mind. What had been SO unappealing about _her_? She had given Yamato her entire life, two children, and all the love he could want but never accepted.

That was part of what frustrated her most. Although she knew Jyou's feelings for him, how could the Yamato Sora knew even think of another guy like that? Especially with the way Takeru and his mother had raised him. She was sure his father wouldn't be one-hundred percent on it either. Nothing made sense.

The only thing that did make sense in her mind was that Yamato had been very troubled his entire childhood, to the point of hurting his own flesh and blood as his mother had hurt him... and that could only have continued into adulthood, right? After all, when Sora had asked Takeru, he certainly didn't deny anything happened. That could only mean her suspicions were right and that not only was the love of her life not attracted to men, but not women, either.

The thought made her sick. Sick with worry. Sick with disgust. Sick with pity.

_Finally, he'll call this entire mess off. Admit he needs help. _Then, her phone rang. She answered it quickly, surprising herself as she heard Takeru on the other end. "Oh, are you doing alright?" Sora asked, clutching the cell phone in her hands. "I'm so sorry about Natsuko."

Takeru agreed, but, "I really need to get to the point. Where is my brother?"

"What? He didn't tell you?" Sora smirked to herself. "No surprise there. I only know because I saw _them_ together."

"...what?" Takeru asked.

"Yamato. He's staying at Kido's place."

"Jyou-san? Why?" Takeru breathed.

"I saw them making out at a table earlier, knowing full well Miyako and I were standing not two feet away," Sora snorted. She may have exaggerated a little, but she was an angry divorcee and she could play his game well.

"...so, not only is he hurting Hanako, but he's hurting you now," Takeru replied. "Sora, I'm sorry for everything my brother has done to you."

Sora made a heartfelt 'aw', but it faded quickly as her tone grew serious, "Takeru... you're sweet. I mean, after what your brother did to you, you turned out okay, but Yamato..."

Takeru couldn't admit his brother had never touched him and there was nothing he knew that even indicated the thought had crossed Yamato's mind. Hell, he wasn't even sure if Yamato had been touched at all or if it was just some excuse to hate his mother. Takeru didn't care. All he knew was that there was a possibility Hanako had been hurt... Takeru's beautiful neice. Yamato had broken all of Takeru's dreams, including adding Sora to their wonderful family. Worse, Yamato was living with that faggot, Jyou.

Honestly, Takeru had never had any personal qualms with Jyou, but having been raised in a religious household torn by divorce and disrespect, Takeru didn't know how many times since the Digital World's permenant closure he had turned to God for guidance... and he wouldn't tolerate anyone who went against his relationship with God.

What little faith he had left in his older brother, Takeru would soon lose, surely, at Jyou's hands. Takeru's mind swarmed with thoughts of Yamato and how Jyou had convinced him to leave Sora. The entire suicide was just another fucking show thrown by the talented artist, Yamato Ishida, and Takeru wasn't falling for it. Grasping the book in his hands, he gave a knock on the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Walking in the Dark

Chapter 4:

A/N: Please see the first chapter for background information and warnings. Thanks for reading and please review!

A/N 2: My wife kindly took the time to point out that I switched from first to third person a few chapters back... So sorry, guys. Originally Chapter 1 was a stand-alone and so there is about a 3-5 month time skip between them. (Which explains why Jyou and Yamato are randomly dating, apparently... although, if you read 'Digimon Diary' and 'No Children', things will be less confusing. I still say this can be read stand-alone.)

A/N 3: I'm so sorry disgrunted fan who cared not to leave their name. I appreciate your opinion, but if you had read the material you would see a rational way for the character's actions. You also probably haven't seen first hand what divorces do to people.

Now, on with the story. Thank you all for reading!

* * *

><p>Jyou stopped as they neared the apartment complex. Yamato didn't notice for a few steps.<p>

Jyou reached back, searching for the blonde's hand. As he did so, he asked: "...did you like our date?"

"You're asking if I enjoyed our date?" Yamato wondered. _Is a date supposed to feel like this? Usually I feel pressured to meet up to some horrible expectations, but today, even if it was mostly errand-running and not a real date, I felt so carefree. _"I guess so."

"I'm glad..." Jyou admitted, blushing a little. "Was there something you didn't like?"

"W-Well, all we did really was run around," Yamato admitted, taking his hand back and rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Still, I enjoyed being with you. That's what matters."

"R-Right," Jyou replied, squeezing the empty air between his fingers. Yamato passed him without a look, worrying the other for a moment before Yamato opened the door and held it. Jyou graciously passed through with a giggle, finding the entire affair old fashioned.

Yamato strolled ahead again, already at the stairs. Jyou studied him as he climbed the steps, noting the blonde's sexy butt and in turn, the worn out look on his face. Jyou frowned, running his hand up the rail. _Today was really hard on him. If it was me, I would be expecting something worse._ He heard Yamato sigh as he reached the last stair. _Oh, there it is. That's not good. _

"Yamato, here, let me unlock the door," Jyou said, taking out his keys. He flipped through the sets and then placed the right one in the lock and turned.

Yamato noticed his puzzled expression. "What is it?"

"It's unlocked. I guess I forgot to..." Jyou started, then opened the door. He thought it was a bit odd, too, that the lights were on. Aiko was at practice and he _knew_ he had turned off the lights. Then, Jyou saw them. Aiko was on the couch, glancing Jyou's direction with an open mouth. He closed it, having been mid-speech to the person next to him. Another notable blonde.

Jyou whipped around and started to slam the door, but Yamato braced it.

"Don't bother," Takeru started, rising from his spot on the couch. Aiko adjusted his glasses.

"He's not a stranger, right? He looks like Yamapapa..." Aiko started. (Takeru noted the nickname with a growl.) Jyou let out his breath and the door handle. He walked over to his son to reassure him, then sent him to his room. Meanwhile, Yamato was closing the door behind him.

Then, the older brother turned to his sibling, sternly, "Did something happen?"

Takeru smiled to himself. _Really? I haven't even said anything and you're already pulling out punches for Mom? _"You know damn well there is. Don't talk like nothing's happened."

"Don't flatter yourself," Yamato smiled. For Jyou, there was something beautifully evil about it that kind of excited him, but he had to stay focused on the situation in front of him. The last time he had seen the brothers interact had been equally as cold. "Are my kids alright or did you and Sora brainwash them?"

"Hanako's _unusually_ moody. I wonder why," Takeru retorted, standing from the couch. He crossed his arms over his wrinkled suit.

Yamato paid the comment no mind and set down his wallet and keys. "_Why_ are you here, Takeru?"

"Mom left you something in her will. I'm _legally_ obligated to give it to you."

Yamato laughed. Again, Jyou felt shivers, but not nearly as exciting as before. "What is it? A thirtieth apology? I've really been looking forward to this one."

Takeru took the book from the coffee table and shook it in the air with his hands. "Here," he said, tossing the album to his brother.

Yamato opened it as dead silence covered them like fog. Even the A/C turned off.

Jyou watched as his boyfriend's eyes skimmed the pages and his eyebrows and lips grew more tense, the pages turning quicker with each second. Yamato finished searching and Jyou was about to speak when he saw Yamato reach into his own pocket. He pulled out a zippo and held it under the book. "H-Hey!" Jyou squealed.

The edges started to send embers ablaze across the carpet and Jyou stamped them out.

"What are you doing?!" Takeru wailed, his voice cracking and he rushed over and grabbed the book. He patted it out with his sleeve. "Do you have any idea how hard she worked on this? For you?!"

Yamato, void of emotion on the outside, struggled with the five kinds of hate boiling inside him. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it does!" Takeru barked. "She was trying to-"

"Remind me of _before_ it happened? Like we were some happy family?" Yamato smirked and covered his face in one hand a second with a long sigh, "Every loving look... hiding what she really was..."

Takeru tossed the book at Yamato, hitting him in the chest and falling to the floor. Jyou glared. Takeru then lunged at his brother, grabbing Yamato's shirt and trying to bring him down to the ground. Yamato fended him off with one arm and used the other to keep his balance against the counter.

Jyou had enough with his house being wrecked in the last fourty-eight hours and grabbed Takeru, calming the boy down. "Takeru, I appreciate this, but you should go."

"Get your hands off me, faggot," Takeru snapped, trying to shake Jyou. Yamato reached through and tried to grab Takeru's neck with his bare hands, but Jyou stayed between them. "That goes for you, too, Oniichan," Takeru spat, backing off. He fluffed out his wrinkled suit and tried to catch his breath, "Disrespecting your mother and father, sex before marriage, pedophilia, divorce, suicide, and now you're a fucking fag, too... how are you not drowning in your own sin?" Takeru shook his head as he left.

Yamato shoved Jyou away from him, burning a hole into Jyou's front door with his eyes. Jyou took a quick breath, glancing back to Aiko's room. He had probably heard everything, but Jyou wasn't sure how to explain it all just yet. Instead, he watched as Yamato's eyes slowly closed and his body relaxed. Tears started rolling down his cheeks, but there was nothing Jyou could do. He looked at the album near his feet. He grabbed it and set it aside on a bookshelf no one ever touched, to wipe as much of the experience from his boyfriend's mind as possible. "Don't think about him."

"I hate him. For what he did to you... I'll kill him if I see him again. I'll kill him Jyou."

_Not if you're as bad a shot as the last two times you tried to kill your family._ Jyou thought. "What he did... call me names?" Jyou tried to laugh. "Everything's fine. I'm more worried about you."

"N-No, no, no, I didn't move in here to have you worry about me."

"Well, we _are_ dating, right? So, it's my job to worry about you."

"Fuck you, Jyou, it's _always_ been your job to worry about everyone."

"True, but can't I worry just a little more about you, specifically?" Jyou asked, pulling Yamato over to him. The other was a little surprised, but he smiled anyway. Something about Jyou made him happy. Something about Jyou _allowed_ Yamato to be happy, and that was fine.

* * *

><p><em>Ring.<em>

Yamato groaned, tossing his hand out over the edge of the couch.

_Ring._

"Jyou!"

_ Ring. Ring._

"Jyou, answer the phone!" Yamato called from the living room. He tossed his arm over his face, blocking out the sun shining in from the balcony.

Jyou answered the phone all the way back in his bedroom. "Hello? Oh, Azami-san... yeah. Yeah. Yes, Ma'am... Yes. He'll be there today. I understand. He loves you, too. Thanks." All the while as he had talked to Azami, Yamato's 'boss', Jyou had found the phone, knocked over his glasses, picked up said glasses, stumbled out of bed, and meandered down the hall. Now, he was staring down at the lazy blonde on his couch. He threw the phone down at him, making Yamato yelp.

"Ow, what was that for?" Yamato whined. "And.. uh, who are you going around telling I love them?"

"Azami-san," Jyou snorted. "That was first. Second, why are you on my couch when you have a _perfectly fine bed_ in the guest room?"

Yamato grumbled as he sat up. His bangs stabbed him in the eyes and he brushed them back, only for them to fall back into place. "Oh. I told Azami I was going back sometime this week, so I suppose today is better than never... and for the couch, well... I couldn't sleep."

"...I didn't ask when you moved in, seeing as I was sure Sora would have said something eventually... but do you still have the same nightmares you had as a kid?" Jyou said this all quickly.

Yamato glanced around at different spots in the carpet that stood out from the others.

"Yamato?" Jyou pressed. He hated when the blonde stayed silent. He just wanted to hear his voice be honest with him. Not scared. After all these years, if he had changed, Jyou couldn't tell. It was almost like he was reverting through the loss of his mother, but Jyou wasn't that kind of head doctor.

"...Sora knew I had nightmares, but I never told her why. She probably thinks I had guilt over whatever her imagination thought happened," Yamato remarked. He tossed off the blanket. Jyou tried not to stare at the man before him in nothing but his underwear. "Anyway, yeah, I just had this habit of sleeping on the couch after a nightmare. Don't really like beds, you know?"

"I'll... I'll... go get dressed and I'll come make you breakfast, okay?" Jyou said. "Get ready for work, too."

Yamato nodded and watched Jyou disappear down the hall. He let out an angry yell into his core as he leaned over, resting his forehead in the palms of his hands. _Now Jyou is going to think I'm more of a mental patient than __**his**__ mom... God damn it. _Yamato stuck his hand into the couch cushions and scrounged up his last pack of cigarettes before heading out to the deck to smoke.

Jyou straightened his collar in the mirror, _Even on an off day I look like a total nerd. Ugh. I hope Yamato is okay. Maybe going back to work will help get his mind off things for a few hours. Oh, man, and then there's Aiko. How do I explain how Takeru acted? I still can't even explain what Yamato is going through. _The father then decided he had spent enough time in the mirror and headed down the hall. He sighed, already feeling the sting of smoke hit his nose and stopped at Aiko's door. He gave a knock, "Aiko?" Jyou opened the door. Aiko was already dressed for school, save for the shoe he was tying. Jyou sat down next to his son. "Are you... handling things alright, lately?"

"Sure... why?"

"Well, Yamato isn't the best influence around here, but he's going through a lot right now."

Aiko nodded, "Um, Dad... it's fine. I know he's hurting and I know _now_ his family doesn't seem to get along. He's going through a divorce, too."

Jyou nodded. "None of this is your fault, is all."

Aiko chuckled, "I know, Dad. Okay? I just hope you know what you got into."

"Hey," Jyou remarked.

Aiko stood and Jyou followed him as he left down the hall and then, the apartment, before he was late for school. "Oh, Dad... you sure this is the man you've loved your entire life?"

Jyou blinked, "And what do _you_ know about love?!"

Aiko smiled and hurried out the door. Jyou closed it and tried not to think about his son telling him what love was. He sighed again, noticing Yamato on his front deck with nothing but a blanket and his underwear. Jyou went over to the door and opened it, "Hey."

"...so, remember when we talked about us going to your mother's funeral? Well, it's in two days. You need to go see Ken about getting clearance after work today."

Yamato made a noise signaling that he knew. After a few minutes of silence, Jyou figured that Yamato wouldn't speak further and turned to leave, partially opening the screen door again. "Jyou."

"...what?"

"...I can't stand it anymore. For three days all I can think about... isn't how I'm finally free from the memories of my mother, but... everything my mom will miss out on."

"...what?"

"My Mom will never see her grandkids grow old. She will never see me happy. She will never see Takeru and I get along again. She'll never see me fly in space. Jyou... I never even tried..."

Jyou breathed and turned back, "You're saying... you agree with Takeru, somewhat?"

"I'm just a sinner like he says, right?"

"Yeah," Jyou started, pulling his boyfriend into his arms. "If you want to conform to some systemized beliefs about yourself. Why can't you just trust you, like, ever?"

"Trust myself?" Yamato laughed, leaning into Jyou's chest. "Because, look what happened to me. Look at me."

"I am looking at you," Jyou said, "Well, the top of your head anyway. Besides, the only reason you ended up like this was because you didn't listen to you."

"Thanks..."

"No, you don't get it," Jyou said, putting a kiss on Yamato's cheek. Soon, both sides of his face were red, "I should have listened to me, too. I was too afraid to confront you about how I felt. I thought you hated me after what happened..."

"God, no," Yamato said, looking into Jyou's beautiful, large eyes. "I never told _you_ because I wasn't even sure how I felt. I didn't know what love was before I met you. Well, I did, but I thought it was only this evil, dark thing."

Jyou moved to Yamato's lips and kissed him, but upon opening his eyes, he noticed his watch where it rested on his wrist at Yamato's waist, then pulled back. "You'll be late."

"Aw," Yamato started, lingering on the taste of Jyou's tongue and the smell of his hair.

Jyou rushed inside and started tossing clothes in a pile on the couch. "There, now come on."

* * *

><p>Yamato felt strange going back to a job he wouldn't have for very much longer, but he had to admit that part of him had missed Azami and his other co-workers. They often were his only escape from home and he smiled, thinking of how he had become his father in so many ways. Then, his heart sank. His children... what were they thinking now?<p>

He opened the door and a bell chimed above him. "Oh, you fixed it," Yamato noted.

Azami was a portly, old Japanese woman. She was wearing overalls and a white tank, so, dressed like one of the guys, it was a bit hard to see her very kind and motherly nature. She rushed over to Yamato, "Son!"

She always called him that, despite having a son of her own. Yamato felt the same for her and in fact, he had called her "Mom" on more than one occasion in the same vein. Most of the time, though, it was, "Boss".

She tossed her biceps around him and squeezed. "I missed you so much, you poor thing."

"We thought you were dead!" barked Miguel from somewhere in the garage, probably buried under a car.

Yamato smiled. "I'm surprised this place hasn't burned down without me. So, what was the big emergency?"

"...well, Jyou-kun told me about your acceptance letter. When were you planning on telling me?!" she cried, beating Yamato with an oily rag. He fended her off with his forearms and laughter.

"I didn't know since a few days ago. I still have a lot of training, anyway," the blonde explained. "I'll be here awhile yet."

"Good. I need you to train Miguel," Azami told him. "He's going to be your heir, of sorts."

"Digi-Jesus save us," Yamato breathed.

"Oh, what is that?!" Azami cried, brushing back Yamato's short hair on the side of his head. She ran over the small dip in his skull and the scar above it. "Such a stupid boy."

"Like I don't feel bad enough," Yamato replied. "I'm sorry no one called you. I blame Sora for that."

"Jyou was kind enough to fill us in... what's with that insane woman?" Azami remarked.

"You mean crazy bitch," noted Edgar, another co-worker. He had blonde hair similar to Yamato's. They were better brothers than him and Takeru. "You dodged a bullet."

"Funny," Yamato snapped, "Edgar wasn't ripping off customers, was he?"

"Hey, I don't rip them off. I just... add a few extras, is all," Edgar replied, crossing his arms.

"Cars don't need a clock for each passenger, Edgar. Seriously, go work at a watch shop."

Edgar stuck out his tongue and then continued back to what he was better at: minor repairs and paperwork. Azami smiled and gave Yamato another hug.

"I'm just glad you're okay. I want you to know you'll get through this just like you got through that Hell hole of a marriage."

"Yes'm," Yamato blushed. She patted him on the back, knocking the wind out of him. Then, for the rest of the day he trained Miguel, which he would continue to do for the next few weeks until the entire mess of the divorce straightened itself out. He would have stayed over, too, if Jyou hadn't

called Azami to check in. The last thing Yamato wanted to do was go back to the police station.

Still, it was what he had to do and so he drove over and stood outside the door for a few minutes. He had at least changed his work shirt to a silky dress shirt in an attempt to look somewhat kept, but the smell of sweat and oil still clung to him as he stepped inside. The place was noisy as ever and gave him the same rotting butterflies in his stomach as the last time he was there, confessing his soul to Ken.

He noted the familiar desk in back. Aside the stack of files, there was a computer, old coffee, and some family photos. Ken and Yolei had three kids, so they were mostly all crammed into the same photographs. Yamato tried to remember if the family he had made had such things, but no, he didn't recall things like that. He clutched his stomach as he waited at the desk, noticing the looks of everyone around him.

"Hey," Natalie greeted, giving Yamato a gentle slap to the back. Ken's partner was a younger woman with short, choppy blue hair and glasses. She wore a black suit. "What are you doing back here? That crazy wife of yours break that restraining order?"

"N-No, nothing like that. I actually need to speak to Ichijouji."

Natalie smiled and Yamato could hear snickering behind him. Natalie called out for Ken who emerged from a nearby room looking as exhausted as Hiroaki did most days. Still, the boy put on a smile for Yamato as he walked up and extended his hand.

Yamato gladly shook it, considering Ken was probably the only defense he had against Sora's say-so, outside Iori. Yamato sat down and Natalie left to fill in for Ken in what had been an interview. "So, what's the matter?" Ken urged, glaring at his other co-workers.

"I have a problem," Yamato said.

"What... kind of problem?" Ken raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing like that," Yamato said quickly, shaking his head, "I mean, I need to get to France for my mother's funeral, but I can't go-"

"You called her your mother."

"Yeah, well, it's a little easier now that she's dead, I guess," Yamato mumbled the sentence in a string.

"You know you can't leave the country, much less this province, while we finish up the investigation..." Ken said sheepishly.

"I don't even really want to go except that I need to. I mean, I can't get closure if I don't," Yamato said. "Please, Ken."

"Unless I escort you personally-" At this Yamato's eyes lit up, "-I don't see how on earth you would be allowed to go."

"We'll bring Iori and Jyou along, too," Yamato said, flashing a smile. "Sora and I will be civilized... if she's going."

"...and you and Takeru?"

"I won't kill him yet, I swear," the blonde pleaded. "Ken?"

"...alright..." the purple-haired boy replied. "I'll ask my captain about it, but if you're sure Iori can go, I don't see why it would be a problem. You will be required to stay with us at all times, though. Sora's lawyer will have already worked out her arrangements, so I'll make sure I contact her as well. When is it?"

"Friday?"

"Two days from now?!" Ken shrieked. "That's a little sudden notice, isn't it?"

"Well, _Mom's_ family made all these decisions without consulting Dad, so... I'm not surprised."

"...I'll give you a call tomorrow evening and we'll fly out then. Have you made arrangements?"

"Jyou was going to cover that."

"Then, I'll contact him as well."

"Ken..." Yamato said, standing. He gave a bow before Ken could rise. "I know... I shouldn't even want to go-"

"She was your mother," Ken replied. "You don't have to explain, okay?"

"Either way, thank you," Yamato said, rising from his bow. "...for everything. For believing in me and for helping me get my kids back- I owe you so much."

"Let's just say we're even, remember?"

Yamato recalled their brief journey into the Digital World before it's close, fending off the last remnants of the darkness, which included a rather embarassing make out session between them. Ken blushed at the thought. "Take care, Ishida."

"Yeah, let's not see you back in here again, okay?" called someone across the room.

Ken was beet red now and ushering Yamato towards the exit, to the blonde's confusion.


	5. Chapter 5

Walking in the Dark

Chapter 5:

A/N: Please see the first chapter for background information and warnings. Thanks for reading and please review!

A/N 2: Thanks Jill. I'm glad you're enjoying the story, even if characters seem off to you. Wasn't trying to be rude either, but the comment comes off a bit rough. Thank you for the support and encouragement as it really means the world to me. I hope you'll continue to give this story a chance. :) It will have a sequel, also, since this is technically a midquel...

* * *

><p>"So, you want us to watch him while you go gallivanting in France? No problem," Taichi replied, running a hand through Aiko's hair playfully. "I'll make him a soccer star yet." He gave a laugh and stood, but nearly fell. Jyou helped him and Taichi cursed. "Still gives me trouble.. damn ankle."<p>

"Well, you did shatter it," Jyou glared.

"I can't believe all this," Taichi grumbled, adjusting his footing. He looked over at Yamato, who was sitting on the couch and being his distant, quiet self. "Are you sure you know what you've gotten yourself into, Jyou?"

"...yeah, I had that same thought, too," Jyou grumbled. "Which is _why_," Jyou started, then lowered his voice to a whisper as he ushered Taichi to the door, "You're taking Aiko for the day so I can talk to him."

"Talk... sure," Taichi snickered.

Aiko made the same aggravated sigh his father would make and took his bags and headed for the car. Taichi squealed for the boy to wait and headed after him, calling out his goodbyes to the two "newlyweds" as he was already calling them.

Jyou was relieved, especially after the incident with Takeru, that someone was on their side. He turned to Yamato, who just made a weak sigh. "What's wrong?"

"...I don't know. Is that okay?"

"Sure," Jyou whispered. "I'll be here when you figure it out."

"...thank you," Yamato replied, waiting for Jyou to sit, then leaned into his chest and tried to find some comfort for the first time in thirteen years.

Taichi finally managed to catch up with Aiko near the elevator. He then had to equally catch his breath and glanced over at the boy. He was the spitting image of Jyou, save a little fatter in the face, but right down to the clothes and everything... This wasn't the first time Aiko had visited them, obviously, but Taichi still felt strange. He had a stable family growing up and so did Koushiro. He wasn't sure what to think of Jyou, Aiko, Yamato... He was glad Hikari and Takeru had made things work so well despite the drama around them.

"So, what do you think of Yamato?" Taichi pondered with a whistle.

"Um," Aiko started, not expecting the question as the elevator door closed. "Well... he's... different."

"Different... yeah. But do you think he's good for Jyou?"

"Most definitely," Aiko said, looking up at his 'Uncle Taichi'. 'Uncle Koushiro' was waiting at home with their two kids, Bug and Kaya. "Even before I knew Yamato personally I knew who he was because my father talked about him."

"...huh," Taichi nodded. "So? What do you think about him aside that he's different?"

"I don't know... he seems to have a big heart."

"Yes he does," Taichi agreed, remembering how Yamato always argued for the group and how Yamato wanted nothing more than to keep his brother safe. Taichi realized now as he lead Aiko to the car that Yamato had given up so much for Sora. It bothered Taichi a lot, how she changed. He had even had tiny feelings for her at one point, so he couldn't understand how she would be so cold now. The entire mess was unnerving, especially for Taichi, because the couple had basically disappeared for a decade without any contact, despite living in the same general vascinity.

"Yamapapa's nice," Aiko continued. "I wish he would be happy more, because he scares me when he's angry."

"You and me both, kid," Taichi huffed, unlocking the car. Taichi swung his leg carefully inside and Aiko hopped in and they made sure they were buckled before starting off towards the Izumi household. "Jyou has always been good at handling him, though."

Aiko watched Taichi's face curiously.

"Yamato goes off the deep end sometimes. God, I could never bring him back, but Jyou did."

"What did my father do?"

"Well, Yamato had left us all, trying to find himself or something- I still don't really get it," Taichi reflected, "Jyou took it upon himself to find Yamato and bring him back to us. Just in time, too."

"Where did Yamato go?" Aiko questioned. "What did he find?"

"...darkness," Taichi sighed, turning a corner.

Aiko made a tiny, hesitant gasp, "Like now. So, Jyou will fix everything, then, like before?"

"Well, he's very reliable you know," Taichi smiled. "You don't have anything to worry about."

"I don't like it when Jyou's lonely," Aiko whispered, staring at his shoes. Taichi glanced over and turned in his eyebrows. "The last few weeks, I've seen my father genuinely happy. I don't want to lose that..."

"What makes you so sure you will?" Taichi remarked with a proud smirk, sitting up straight at the wheel.

"Huh?"

"Like I said, no worries, kiddo. Yamato's a downer, sure, but he finally knows what he's wanted all along. Fuck what you need to do for everyone else and start charging in headfirst- he was never good at that." Taichi nearly hiccupped, "Oh, and don't tell your Dad I cursed. In fact, don't tell him I told you I even know what curses are. Don't tell Koushie either."

Aiko nodded, adjusting his glasses.

About ten minutes later they arrived at a large house on the edge of Odaiba. The entire thing was unlike any home he had seen. There was a yard, even. A second car was parked in the driveway. Taichi pulled in next to it and parked, helping Aiko with his sleeping bag.

Aiko hopped down out of the van and followed Taichi into the house. They went up the stairs to a porch and through a large door. Taichi waddled through with the bags and Bug and Kaya immediately rushed towards him.

"Dad's back!" Bug, a girl with red, spiney hair, said, nearly tackling Taichi. The father gasped as the breath was knocked out of him and he dropped the bags. Kaya, their son, picked them up and set them in the living room which was through an arch to their left.

Aiko fumbled nervously throughout the foyer, still intimidated by the size of the place even after he had been there several times. He wasn't really too sure about the girl that looked like Koushiro, she was so rowdy. Often, Aiko found himself reading alongside Kaya or studying Koushiro's newest program language.

"Welcome, Aiko," Koushiro greeted from the very large writing desk. There was an array of monitors. He turned in the computer chair and smiled. "We're glad you could stay with us. Taichi," the husband demanded, turning to his better half, "Did you tell Yamato hello for me?"

Taichi made a whine as he lugged himself to the couch. The kids grabbed Aiko and rushed off towards the back yard to play. "He's a wreck, Koushiro," Taichi sighed. "I still have no idea what's going on."

"Well, things have ways of sorting themselves out," Koushiro noted. "How is Aiko handling things?"

Taichi snorted, "Aiko? I'm more concerned about Yama's kids. They have to live with my sister."

"Hikari's good with kids, though," Koushiro noted, turning back to his computer when it made an annoying beep. Taichi frowned as the other failed to pay him any physical attention. Koushiro smiled as he clicked away. Torturing Taichi was always fun, especially when he failed to deliver messages Koushiro felt were important.

"Oi," Taichi said.

Koushiro ignored him.

"Oi!" Taichi demanded. "Don't do that, Koushiro..."

* * *

><p>"So, what do you really know about them?" Jyou questioned, flipping through the photo album Natsuko had left for Yamato. In one of the photos were Yamato's maternal grandparents, whom he had no memory of, save a passing mention by Takeru and Taichi and anything Hiroaki had cared to mention.<p>

So, answering Jyou's question was difficult, "W-Well," Yamato started, trying to remember. Jyou watched the man who was wrapped in his arm squint. "Michel was a travel writer visiting Japan, that's how he met my grandmother, but she passed awhile ago. I think my mother might have a sister or something and my Dad has a half-brother somewhere we barely see. Otherwise it's all strange ass cousins and shit. Most of my Dad's side is dead or in jail and my Mom's snide are all snooty motherfuckers."

"Mm," Jyou muttered, noting the unique choice of curse word, "...so I'm guessing outside this little instance you haven't seen them in... well, thirty years?"

Yamato nodded, glaring at the book, "Why won't you let me burn it?"

"Because you're so cute," Jyou said. "Look how little you were!"

Yamato snatched the album, "This was porn to that woman, how can you look at it?!" He tossed the book across the living room and it skidded into the bookshelf.

Jyou sighed, "I just wanted to see your baby pictures."

"...sorry, okay? I just... I don't know how to feel right now. I'm kinda numb, okay?"

Jyou rubbed the other's back in smooth motions, "We'll only be there through Monday and then we can come home. Besides, you were the one that said you needed to do this. I'm sure her family won't give you a hard time."

"I'm surprised they love her after what she did."

"To be fair, Yamato, they knew Natsuko as normal their entire lives-"

"Well, I didn't!"

"Damn it, Yamato, let me talk!" Jyou barked, throwing down his arms. The one wrapped around Yamato just squeezed him closer. The blonde, forced to lean over, looked into the other man's eyes. "Everyone can't see what you see."

"Fuck everyone else," Yamato muttered.

Jyou sighed, "Fine. I won't talk about it anymore. Still, I'm a little insulted you want to fuck everyone else except me. I guess I'm wasting all this effort on you."

Yamato blinked at him, "Are you trying to hit on me?"

Jyou adjusted his glasses, "Sure, anything to make you not look so upset. I miss your laugh and your smile."

"No wonder you never stayed with a guy. You're too cheesy."

Jyou puffed his cheeks, "None of them appreciated it like you do, _asshole_."

Yamato leaned into Jyou, kissing him. The blonde was unsure at first, but went ahead with it to thank Jyou for being the only one to be firm with him, yet gentle, about what he needed to hear. He was also the only one who loved him by choice and not by what Yamato felt was conditional in some way and that alone meant more than anything else in the world. Jyou was a little surprised at first by the other's ease and settled in quickly, taking in the taste of smoke. This was so ethereal to Jyou that he wondered if he was in one of his lover's nightmares and would wake any second and realize this was just another daydream.


	6. Chapter 6

Walking in the Dark

Chapter 6:

A/N: Please see the first chapter for background information and warnings. Thanks for reading and please review!

A/N 2: Please don't use my OCs without my permission~ They are borrowed from my original works. Thanks!

A/N 3: Sorry this chapter is so short. The next one is fairly long and this is just a bridge, really. Thank you everyone for reading!

* * *

><p>That evening, the two boys awoke to a knock on the door. Yamato groaned and rolled over, falling from the couch with a heavy thud that made him just groan and roll over again, taking what little of the throw blanket he had with him. Jyou sat up, immediately realizing how late it was. Their bags were half packed and that was surely none other than Ken and Iori at the door.<p>

"Damn, wake up, Yamato!" Jyou hissed. The blonde flipped him off. "We'll miss the flight!"

"Answer the door," the blonde grumbled, not realizing the severity of the situation.

"Yamato," Jyou grabbed the blonde's arm. "Unlike me who has the decency to shower, you are still... well, _covered_; go get a damn shower."

"But I like sleeping," he mumbled.

"Yamato, your mother's funeral is less than twenty four hours away and we have a three hour flight to get on tonight!" Jyou yanked his lover's arm, nearly pulling it from the socket. As the knocking on the door grew louder, voices calling out to them joined in the chorus. This sobered Yamato quickly and he frowned at how much he hated waking up after, well, all that. He hurried to the bathroom. Jyou tossed the blanket on the couch, gathered the mess of clothes, and just hoped the two men wouldn't notice. He made sure he was clean and presentable and answered the door with a nervous smile, "Sorry about that, I was in the back closet trying to find the last of my things."

"You didn't finish packing?" Ken asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, well, I've had a busy afternoon," Jyou explained, letting the two inside. He wasn't sure why he felt like _he_ was being investigated. Probably just Ken's intimidating appearance. He almost had the look of the Kaizer in his uniform. Iori walked timidly next to him and started for the couch to take a seat. Jyou stopped him, "The couch needs... uh... fumigating."

Ken and Iori exchanged glances.

"Not fumigating... uh, we just need to replace the plastic cover, is all. It's an heirloom."

Iori shrugged and took the armchair. Ken took one of the kitchen stools. "We won't be waiting long, will we? I don't see Ishida's things."

"They-They're in the room. I just haven't fetched them. He's washing up, by the way."

"He could have taken a shower at the hotel when we arrived, but whatever," Iori noted. "I want to remind you that my wife wasn't very happy about me suddenly going out of the country for a few days."

"Tell me about it," Ken sighed. "Iori, just be lucky you have _one_ child."

Iori chuckled a little and Jyou excused himself to go grab two suitcases and tossed them on the bed. He couldn't help but sneak a glance as Yamato showered, but he tried to keep his mind on other things. He rushed back down the hall to the blonde's room and dug through the top drawers. Jyou relcutantly stuffed Yamato's cigarettes into his pocket and gathered a few changes of underwear the blonde would likely not use, then an equally useful set of socks. Hell, knowing Yamato, he would just wear jeans to the entire affair. Nope. Jyou was glad that the suit was already being mailed to the hotel.

Then, he grasped Yamato's harmonica. The metal was so old it had verdigrised. He squeezed it in his hands, barely able to recall the tune his lover used to play back in easier days. He tucked it away into the drawer and then walked over to the closet. On the other side of the wall, he could hear the water shut off from the shower. Ken and Iori were talking in the living room, although Jyou wasn't sure what it was about. He just hoped they stayed clear the rest of the furniture.

"Digi-Jesus, Yamato..." Jyou mumbled. "Even at forty you can't wear anything but black, blue, tank tops, and turtlenecks? You have no fashion sense, my friend."

"Hey, I like those colors... and clothes," the blonde smirked from the doorway. Jyou blushed bright red. Yamato hadn't even bothered with a towel and Iori and Ken were down the hall. He pulled Yamato into the room and shut the door.

"What is the matter with you?"

"What?" Yamato smiled and it made Jyou's heart melt.

"You need to get ready, not wander around my apartment naked!" Jyou hissed. "Here." He tossed random clothes at Yamato, who caught them.

"...I'm not wearing _this_ together."

"Your wardrobe is one damn color and you only wear jeans. Does it really matter?"

"Yes. Yes it does," Yamato stated, giving a firm blink.

Jyou stormed past, hissing 'get dressed' and went and loaded the suitcases. He carted them out to the living room, listening in on the conversation that Iori and Ken were having. He hesitated to interrupt them as eavesdropping became more of a priority.

"I don't understand," Iori started. "Sora was a wonderful person. I can't see her being this vindictive."

"Divorces do terrible things," Ken sighed. Jyou heard the ruffle of papers. File folders. "She has some good points, though. I can't just assume that Yamato is innocent, no matter what we want to believe."

"I just can't see him doing something like that either," Iori insisted. Jyou peeked around the corner, watching as Iori's light green eyes stared at his loafers. "They're both good people."

"...Often... viscious cycles do repeat themselves," Ken hesitated, trying to go from work mode to friend mode, "Still, I'm sure we're both right, Iori. Yamato wouldn't hurt his own children and Sora is a wonderful person. Both of them are a bit strayed, perhaps."

"What about Jyou?"

"Hmm?" Ken wondered.

"He has a kid, too. We shouldn't even be letting Yamato stay _here_," Iori pressed. "I'm denying his current residence anyway."

"Ishida has nowhere to go," Ken urged, "Why do you think I have him listed as staying at his father's?"

"Why is he staying here and not with his father?" Iori questioned further. "Do you think it's because of Aiko...?"

"I can only assume Yamato just didn't want to be staying with Mr. Ishida," Ken replied, contemplating the situation for the first time. "Maybe I'll ask when we see him in France..."

_Aiko. No. No, that's stupid._ Jyou thought. _The man just made love to me. He doesn't want Aiko. Iori, you're an asshole to believe a word that she-devil says... right?_ Jyou glanced over at the picture of him and his son on the wall. _Aiko and Yamato do seem to be... getting along well. Too well, right? I mean, from what Hikari says, Hanako is withdrawn... moody... and Tsukuyomi is quiet and obedient, almost like he's scared... What if it isn't just Hanako? What if Yamato hurt both of them? What if Sora's right and he hurt Takeru, too? He even admitted those feelings to me once, although Yamato swore. Yamato swore he didn't do anything. _Jyou fretted and dropped a suitcase on his foot. He cried out and picked it up just as Yamato came up behind him, giving a playful grab between Jyou's legs. _Someone is still frisky for being on their way to a funeral..._ Jyou grumbled in his head.

"Hey, you packed my stuff," the blonde smiled. Jyou watched the flash of his teeth and let Yamato take one of the bags. He nodded. Yamato frowned and Jyou was easily reminded of why he fell in love with the mysterious boy in the first place. That sad expression, that ache to be helped. "Are you alright, Jyou? Did you hurt your foot?"

Jyou shook his head, trying to wipe the fears from his mind and carried the suitcases out to the living room. Yamato wiggled his fingers to make sure he could still move. _Did I do something wrong?_ _Maybe he's just really mad about us almost missing this flight... He seems more concerned about Mom's funeral than me, but that's probably just because he wants me to get better. He's stressed because of this entire ordeal. I need to be more sensitive to him. Goosing him is probably not the best way to say I Love You... but I was just playing around..._

Yamato strolled into the living room, greeting Ken and Iori.

"Are we ready to leave, now?" the lawyer asked.

"Yeah," Yamato shrugged, looking to Jyou. He reached over, giving his boyfriend a gentle squeeze on the shoulder (instead of the ass like last time, Yamato mentall noted), then grabbed three of the four suitcases and headed out the door. Ken insisted on taking one but Jyou grabbed the last one. Jyou looked around his apartment and shut off the lights. Had he done the right thing, letting Yamato stay with him? Or was he blinded by the eagerness to regain a love he only had created in his mind? After all, Yamato had spent all these years with Sora and _the kids_ instead of him. Supposedly he had these feelings for Jyou all along, but how could Jyou believe that? He wanted to believe the best in Yamato, but at the same time, everyone had changed so much all this time... did he really know this man at all? _Am I just some sick outlet for him?_ Jyou sighed and tossed the suitcase out into the hall, locking the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Walking in the Dark

Chapter 7:

A/N: Please see the first chapter for background information and warnings. Thanks for reading and please review!

A/N 2: Please don't use my OCs without my permission~ They are borrowed from my original works. Thanks!

A/N 3: This will be the last chapter for awhile, but we're getting near to the end. I have a new fic I'm posting soon, so I hope yall like Yakari and Yamaken...

* * *

><p>"A plane really just doesn't compare to a space shuttle," Yamato pointed out. He was wearing the NASA jacket Jyou had given him years ago. It fit a little snug and Jyou could see signs of age in the torn threads and weakened buttons.<p>

"I hate flying," Jyou breathed, feeling sickness rising in his stomach.

Yamato laughed, "Taking off is the hard part. Once you're in the air, it's just like riding in a car."

"I'm used to it from traveling," Iori replied with a smile.

Ken was quiet, but only because he had to be vigilant all the time. The airport was crowded and he was tehcnically on duty every waking second. His face was so stern, the others wondered if he had actually seen signs of trouble. And Ken did, at the back of the lobby. A red headed woman, a black haired girl, a young blonde and his wife...

The line didn't take more than an hour and they easily boarded the plane. Ken and Iori had straightened most of the kinks out before leaving and so things went smoother than expected. As they boarded the plane, however, they saw a few familiar faces also noticing them. Sora, Takeru, Hikari, and Soa's lawyer, a woman named Gabriel, were taking the middle right row.

Yamato hadn't seen Sora's lawyer before. She had long black hair, heavy pale make up, and long, lucious eyelashes. Her smile curved and the woman reminded him of the villians in old horror films.

"Gabriel Dolphinus is a witch, don't take your first impression for granted," Iori whispered. "I faced her once. Needless to say, I lost."

"Way to make me feel better, Hida," Yamato hissed in a whisper. They sat down a few rows ahead, still in earshot.

"Well, look who decided to show up," Takeru breathed.

"Takeru, don't start," Hikari insisted.

"Oh, do," Gabriel chuckled, her voice full and deep. "I hear your ex has quite the temper, Sora. Don't worry, if he lays a hand on you... oh well, I guess he doesn't do that."

Yamato gritted his teeth and cracked his neck. _Don't give into her_. He would've killed for a cigarette, but he couldn't smoke. Instead, his frustration came out as a huff of air. Jyou put a hand on his; despite the worries from the apartment he couldn't stand to see his lover bullied. Blatantly, at that. Jyou was happy Ken was there to control any disagreements, but in the back of Jyou's mind, he could only see Yamato trying to strangle the woman and Jyou was a little ticked he would be obligated to save Sora in such an event. _I had to be a doctor... Maybe if I tell them I'm a brain surgeon I can pretend I know nothing of resuscitation... _

"Just ignore them," Iori stated, breaking Jyou's thoughts and Yamato's counting back from ten.

"Hida, Iori, so you're the pig siding with that child loving scum?" Gabriel chuckled, holding a hand to her chin.

"I don't stoop to your level," Iori said simply. "I would appreciate if we kept our words in the courtroom."

"Wow, thanks for the support Iori," Sora snorted. "That goes for you, too, Ichijouji. _Jyou_. Don't think I don't know what's going on. I think their report is biased, don't you?"

"That's why we have other officers on our side of things," Gabriel snickered.

"Well, I'm a little hurt you don't trust me to do my job," Ken snapped. He was surprised at himself and Iori gave him a light pat on the arm.

"Don't worry, that witch gets on everyone's nerves. I heard one of her opposing council committed suicide. She acts tough, but that's all it is." Iori noticed Yamato's eyes burning a hole into the seat in front of him. "Don't let her intimdate, you, Yamato-san."

The blonde wasn't listening. He was trying to picture himself somewhere better. Like the cockpit of a shuttle. He would be there any month now, with his father and kids looking on, cheering for him. He would finally get to live among the stars like the alien he was, if just for a brief moment, and then he could come home to a loving husband and three beautiful children and live the life he had always wanted.

"At least I'm not defending a rapist. A _child_ rapist," Gabriel continued.

_Do all laywers taunt this much?_ Jyou wondered, nervously squeezing Yamato's hand. His boyfriend looked more afraid of flying than he did, by his expression, but Jyou knew that he was merely trying to control the urge to punch the first thing in sight.

"Poor Hana-chan, you should see her face when I go visit her."

_Rub it in, Sora. I don't care. You're a liar and everyone will see what a fucking liar you are! And how dare you..._ "How dare you call her that." Yamato just couldn't keep his mouth shut this time. He could take Sora's resentful shit all day long as _long_ as it was about him. But not his kids.

"What, by that tender little nickname you gave her? Is that what you call her when you have your hand down her-"

"I'll fucking kill you," Yamato snapped, not only cutting her off, but turning around in the seat.

Ken reached across Jyou's lap and held the blonde down, "Stop it. They want you to say that. Now sit down and ignore them. Read a book or something."

Yamato was breathing hard and Jyou could see his knuckles burn white. Jyou reached out and gently pulled him down, then leaned over to him. Yamato could smell Jyou's shampoo, a scent he always associated with relaxation, and he closed his tired, blue eyes and let the world become complete oblivion.

"Hmph, I think that was a death threat," Gabriel said, pretending to note something on a folder she was carrying. She smiled at Sora.

"So defensive... guess I hit a nerve," Sora shrugged.

Takeru stared his brother down and Hikari stared down at her hands. She couldn't take this fighting much longer and was beginning to regret coming at all, except that she had a fairly good relationship with Natsuko and felt she owed it to the woman to be there. Also, she had to keep Takeru out of trouble, especially with the two antagonistic bitches in front of them.

"If you two don't stop," Ken breathed, turning to them, "I'll have you arrested for violating the restraining order."

"It's not even in effect and you know it," Gabriel remarked.

"It's just a temporary leave," Ken muttered. "So don't tempt me."

The rest of the plane ride was fairly uneventful. Takeru and Sora talked in hushed whispers and Gabriel scribbled down what Hikari read as dirty politician-like slander. The wife and mother just watched the back of Yamato's head, never moving, until she dozed off, too.

After the long flight, Ken stood between them and let Yamato, Jyou, and Iori exit first. He followed them and they quickly found a cab to their hotel. The place wasn't much, but it was close to the cathedral where Natsuko's ceremony would be held and that was all they needed.

As Ken checked them in, Iori and Jyou discussed work life, and Yamato signed for the suit and flowers that had been delivered. They headed up a few flights and Yamato glanced out the windows across the city. The architecture was so vast and detailed, different from Japan. The entire place had age to it, like an old wine. The people were very friendly, although Ken had warned them of theives.

"Iori and I are staying across the hall," Ken explained. "The funeral is in a few hours. Let's be sure to avoid any... interactions until we get there, okay?"

Yamato nodded, "I'm getting a fucking cigarette and some sleep."

"Jyou," Ken whispered as Yamato disappeared into the hotel room. "...make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, would you? I know Sora and her lawyer were just spouting BS but words still hurt. I just... I've seen people like this."

"He's not going to try and kill himself," Jyou breathed, waving his hand, "Not with me around, anyway."

"I think a nap sounds like a good idea," Iori said, then retired to the room.

"Personally, I'm a bit hungry. I think I'll head downstairs and get something. Funeral food is always cookies and punch, like some kind of sick celebration."

"I didn't realize..." Jyou sighed and shook his head. "Ken, this has to be difficult for you."

Ken smiled weakly, not even realizing what Jyou was suddenly inferring until he remembered his older brother's face, "Well, Osamu's funeral was nothing compared to the catherdral we're going to. I wouldn't be surprised if Natsuko's family has caviar instead of butter cookies."

"I noticed that, too... that her family seems pretty well-off. I even wonder why they are going through all this trouble for her."

"Honestly?" Ken said, tossing his trenchcoat over his shoulder. "They probably just want to make Hiroaki feel bad. I talked to Natsuko's father and he seems like the type to not approve of a man like Hiro."

"How am I not surprised?" Jyou sighed. "Seriously, does no one in this family get along?"

Ken chuckled, that laugh that just escaped him in one huge burst of breath, "S-Sorry. I'm agreeng with you, honest."

"I didn't see Hiroaki on the plane. He _is_ coming, right?"

"I don't care how much I hate a person, but if I was married to them at one point, I would attend. I'm sure he just caught a different flight," Ken checked his watch. "Anyway, I'm off. See you at five sharp in the lobby, okay? Oh, and no more of whatever it was you were really doing before Iori and I got to your apartment. It's a funeral for Christ's sake."

Jyou blushed and returned to the room. Yamato had just about finished his cigarette. "H-hey. How are you doing? I noticed you slept most of the flight... not a single nightmare, huh? That's good."

Yamato sighed, tapping ash onto the carpet.

"I really wish you would do that outside..." Jyou worried about him starting a fire and the fact they were definetly not supposed to be smoking in that room.

"I like the sky..." Yamato whispered, heading for the door with his temporarily doused deathstick. "...kinda ironic, isn't it?"

* * *

><p>Ken knew he shouldn't really drink on the job, but he couldn't take much more of the Ishida's. He didn't even want to know what the Takaishi family was like. He ordered a single shot and sipped it sparingly. He had never been a heavy drinker. Then someone sat next to him. Ken glanced over, recognizing the wristwatch and wrinkled clothes.<p>

"U-Uh, Mr. Ishida. You made it okay."

"Yeah," Hiroaki replied, "How is my son?"

"...as good as he can be, I guess," Ken replied. "How are you?"

Hiroaki smiled and ordered whatever Ken had gotten. "I loved my wife, until the end, you know. I don't think Yamato realizes that. I saw Takeru on the way through the airport. He looks like shit. I'm not surprised, though. He lost his mother. Takeru is probably the only one to really know her her entire life... He deserves to be here more than I do."

"Mm," Ken agreed, "I don't mean to pry, but... how did you meet Natsuko?"

Hiroaki blinked as if he had completely buried life before his marriage and he mentally searched for where to even begin. He wasn't sure why Ken had asked him such a question in the first place or further, why he was explaining his marriage at all. Perhaps, Hiroaki felt like he had lived some kind of moral tale and now was the time to recite it.

"We met when she was visiting Japan. There wasn't anything big going on war-wise at the time, but the Maritime Self-Defense Force had only existed less than a decade back then and I was in it," Hiroaki said, looking around. "I wasn't anything special, never have been. Natsuko was in the middle of her college applications and was persuing journalism even then, following in the footsteps of her father, Michel."

"He doesn't look like the writing type," Ken noted. The man was wide-shouldered, built. Looked more like he had been the military man, not Hiroaki.

"Actually, it was Natsuko's mother that really took charge of things."

"I've been meaning to ask... the abuse... it's usually..."

"I'll get to that," Hiroaki sighed, intertwining his fingers. "Natsuko was doing some sort of project on the Vietnam protests, so I guess she saw a bunch of us Navy guys sitting around at a bar not unlike this one and decided to ask some questions."

"Sounds like she just wanted your attention," Ken smirked, "Trust me. Miyako was the same way."

Hiroaki laughed, "Yeah, so we get to talking and you know, things just hit off from there. She spoke perfect Japanese. In fact, Natsuko is only just fluent in French. That's why Takeru never learned. When Natsuko's parents met, they had lived here most of their lives, even taken her mother's maiden name. Only recently had they moved back to France because her grandparents wanted someone to stay with them."

"I see."

"Not six months later, we were married in Shimane."

"...that name sounds familiar. It's a country village, right?"

Hiroaki nodded, "My hometown, where my mother and father both were at the time. Natsuko and I visited the Mirror Pond and it said we would have a long, beautiful marriage. Shortly after, though, my father passed away. We weren't making much at the time and Natsuko's family didn't approve of me at all. That was why we weren't married here, in Paris. She completely left behind family, fortune, and this beautiful city. For me."

"Sounds like... she really loved you."

"I had to move to the city to get work. We couldn't afford Odaiba originally, so we stayed out in Hikarigoaka, which was a horrible commute... That was when I started at the TV Station, through Natsuko's contacts there, no less... See, I told you, I've never been much of a man at anything, and then I guess, that was my fault, since my father was an old-fashioned blowhard and I never wanted to do anything he said. Natsuko meant the world to me. More than anything we wanted a family."

Ken listened intently. He hadn't even gotten through half of his drink he was so immersed in everything and he wondered how much of this Yamato knew and figured that he probably didn't know any of this, having never wanted to hear about such things, and Ken thought further, if Yamato had known, would things have been different?

"So, in early March, nine months after we moved out to Hikarigoaka, we had Yamato. I named him after the battleship from the Navy, and his name also means he is strong, like a mountain. I was hoping he would endure anything life threw at him, like I thought I had at the time. This worked well when we had Takeru- Natsuko thought of the name and we figured they would be wonderful brothers to each other."

"Takeru admired Yamato very much at one time..." Ken noted. "Yamato will never stop doting on him, though, despite the way things have turned out."

Hiroaki was silent a moment, "Natsuko adored Yamato from the moment he was born. There was nothing vile about it. I never saw anything to indicate that, either. I guess... I now understand where Sora's fear comes from, because if I had thought such things, maybe Yamato... but I didn't know... because Natsuko didn't even remember it."

"Her abuse," Ken noted.

"Oddly, wasn't even in her family, it was a small, isolated incident. She never told me much about it because she didn't remember it herself until the counseling later."

"But... did she have the feelings before?"

"If she did, she never showed them or told me of them," Hiroaki sighed, spinning the empty shot glass in his hands.

"Does Yamato know all this?"

"He doesn't care. If you try to explain, he won't hesitate to blow you off."

"Yes, that makes sense," Ken sighed, not bothering to finish the last of the drink in front of him. "Maybe now he'll listen..."

"Now that he's where he's wanted to be for the last twenty years. With Jyou. And his mother being dead probably doesn't hurt, either. Even as a kid, I never saw him happier than when he spent time with that little geek, but he has this habit of making himself miserable and so, he did the responsible and unselfish thing and look where it got him. Although, I'm partially to blame for so many things... I can't help but feel I've failed him and in turn caused his failure. We're all fucking failures..."

"What Yamato did is commendable, in a way," Ken pointed out, "However, I'm not sure if that was what was good for anyone after seeing the result." Then Ken recalled his earlier conversation with Iori. "Um, Mr. Ishida, why isn't Yamato staying with you?"

The elder looked puzzled, "Doesn't it make sense for him to be staying with the man he's always wanted to be with? Even I knew when Sora and her overbearing, traditional mother came to my door and demanded responsibility that wasn't what Yamato wanted. But he and I both knew what the right thing to do was."

"...I didn't know."

"I'm going outside for a smoke," the father said, ending the entire thing rather abruptly. Ken checked his watch and decided to get back to Iori so he could fill him in.

* * *

><p>Yamato pulled his NASA jacket around his arms tight. France was a lot colder this time of year than Japan was, surprisingly enough. Even the heat of the cigarette was a Godsend as he pushed his gloved hands together.<p>

He heard footsteps behind him, ones he thought he recognized as Takeru's, but it was his father. Yamato snickered to himself. He saw more and more of Hiroaki in Takeru with each passing day. He then sighed, not wanting to talk about whatever his father had come out here to talk about.

So, Yamato was confused when his father just smoked beside him and said nothing.

"What? No guilt trip this time?" the blonde remarked.

"Yamato, that has never been my intention. Don't put words in my mouth and shut up and listen to me for one time in your life," Hiroaki said sternly, brushing back graying locks of hair. "I'm sorry that you couldn't deal with anything your entire life and I'm not going to sit here and blame myself any longer. I did the best I could-"

Yamato's eyes widened, "D-Dad, I never blamed _you_. I know this is all my fault. I've known that since I was a kid. Everyone acts like I don't want to move on with my life. You think I don't try?"

"You think your mother didn't try?" Hiroaki asked, squinting at his son.

Yamato let out an aggravated sigh that resulted in a ironic fit of steam from between his lips, "Fuck, everyone acts like I never thought about how she felt! Of course I did! I know she just wanted to be my mother again- it's not my fault I couldn't let her! I couldn't trust her! I couldn't trust anyone!" The blonde stormed around the small section of parking lot they had found to smoke in as if physically reeling in his thoughts. "I will never forgive her for what she did to me and I don't know why you all find it so God damn easy!"

"Yamato, you make it sound so God damn difficult," Hiroaki snapped. "You could have had a wonderful relationship with your mother and your brother if you would just find some peace for yourself."

"How can I..." the blonde seethed, "When she's ruined my entire life! All of my problems as a kid were because of her and what she did to me. Don't act so damn innocent, either, you didn't fucking bother to notice for two years while I was silently suffering-"

"That's a low blow and you know it-"

"I didn't give in like her. I fought those same urges. _I_ didn't let what happened to me ruin Takeru's life."

Hiroaki dropped his cigarette, "What are you talking about?"

"Just forget it!" Yamato barked. "You never noticed anything!"

"You're right," Hiroaki stated as Yamato's pacing came to a halt. His son turned to him, the last of the cigarette in his mouth burning to the filter.

"What?"

"You're right. I wasn't there for you and I'm sorry."

Yamato made a light sigh and turned away. "I'm sorry, too... I'm sure I didn't make things easy, ever."

"You don't have to apologize to me, Yamato. I'm your father. All this drama just comes with the territory. I love you, no matter what. It's just, your mother did, too."

The blonde cringed and felt his father's arm around him. They _never_ hugged. "Dad..."

"Your wish is granted," Hiroaki whispered. "Natsuko... I can't believe I didn't die before her."

Yamato shifted his feet, "Dad, I never wanted Mom dead... I just couldn't forgive her."

"You blamed yourself a lot, I know, but as perfect as I make things sound... your mother was always the giver, Yamato. I have a feeling if things had continued, even without bringing you into this world, we wouldn't have lasted long."

"...Dad, how can I apologize to her now? I-I mean, Takeru doesn't even believe the things I tell him and Sora makes me out to be the very thing I've despised...!"

"Yamato, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks and you can _always_ talk to your mother. You've _always_ been able to go to her. So, go."


	8. Chapter 8

Walking in the Dark

Chapter 8:

A/N: I want to thank you all for sticking through to the final chapter. There are a few unanswered questions at the end, but I'll cover those somewhere, eventually. I would **really** love to know what you all think, so please drop me a line, even if its just to say 'hey I liked it'. Thanks again for reading~

* * *

><p>Yamato pulled the suit around him tight. Jyou watched from the bed, having been dressed ages ago. His boyfriend always waited until the last minute to get ready. It was strange, seeing his slowly-growing hair slicked back. His bangs could no longer conceal his frustration. Yamato struggled with the tie and nearly choked himself trying to make it work.<p>

Jyou sighed because that would have been so nice under any other circumstance, then stood and wrapped his arms around Yamato, fixing the troublesome cloth. "Better?"

"Don't mother me," Yamato remarked. "...but thank you."

"I think the entire hotel heard you two arguing. Are you sure admitting to your father what you did was the best thing?" Jyou whispered. "You _are_ in the middle of a divorce."

"Fuck it," Yamato breathed. "I'm tired of trying to convince everyone of how I feel. I know what the truth is and I don't need Takeru or anyone else to validate it."

"Yamato...?"

"I have a few good memories of Mom. I mean, it's not like she hurt me every waking minute..." the blonde started, sitting in the desk chair. He began to slip on his dress shoes. "She cared about me, she fed me, she made sure I did my school work."

"...but, I'm not hearing that she loved you. Do you believe that?"

"I never doubted she loved me, but how far she loved me, that's what I hate," Yamato explained. "...and Takeru. I just didn't want him to go through what I was struggling with. After he was born, that was why I worked up the courage to protect him. I decided if I had no other meaning, I was born and put through this pain for that purpose, then he fucking slams the door in my face."

"...that's not how Takeru feels at all," Jyou whispered. "He idolized you."

"Yeah, _idoliz__**ed**_."

Jyou sighed, "Please, just be civil with him."

"I know this is way harder on him than it is for me. It's just, why... why is he taking Sora's side?" Yamato asked, his voice starting to crack. He sniffled. "I'm his brother!"

"...Sora's always been like a second mother to him. He's just clinging to her because he's lost the most important person in his life."

"No, he hasn't. I'm the most important person to him."

"Are you? Maybe during the Digital World you were, Yamato, but that was a long time ago and you knew then that he just wanted his independence. You admitted to yourself, Takeru, and me, that all you wanted all these years was Takeru's understanding and I know that because he doesn't, it's been tearing you apart. After all, you told him what happened to you because you knew no harm would come to him and you wanted him to know the truth. He had bothered you your entire lives about it. Then, you tell him, and he pushes you away. I get it, okay?"

"Jyou..." Yamato cried. "Why couldn't he just say something... anything..."

"He's been denying it since then and pushing you away is the only way he can keep lying to himself. Now that Sora's accusing you, it's only further pushing his dellusion that you have been the only monster all along."

"I'm his brother, fucking son of a bitch is supposed to trust me!" Yamato barked, standing up. Jyou took a step back as the blonde rushed past him and down the hall. Jyou hurried after, tugging at Yamato's sleeves, begging him to calm down.

"This isn't the time or place to sort out your differences!" Jyou started as he was yanked into the elevator by his own grip on Yamato's coat tails. "Your mother wouldn't want to see either of you like this. Yamato. Yamato!"

The blonde ignored him, staring straight ahead at the plain steel of the elevator door until they reached the bottom. Tears flew from his eyelids as he stepped inside. Jyou continued to follow and plead all the way to the car, where Ken and Iori were waiting. Except, Yamato didn't go into the car. He stormed off down the street, since the chapel wasn't far. Jyou hesitated to follow him or join the others.

Ken stepped out, "What happened?"

"He has it in his mind to settle things," Jyou whispered.

"God damn it," Ken sighed. "Couldn't they have just done this on the plane?"

* * *

><p>Takeru glanced around the chapel. He was amazed at what little of his family was left. A half-aunt, his grandfather, and a multitude of cousins he had never met... All were dressed luxuriously. Takeru had worn his best suit and it didn't even compare. Still, Natsuko's family had always treated him well. He wasn't fearful of their judgements, although he was definetly aware of them through their interactions with his father. Also, Takeru was still the baby of the family, save his own kids.<p>

Hikari walked up behind him, where Takeru had stopped about halfway up the pews. She watched as Takeru hesitated to go further, unable to face the fact that his mother was dead. Yes, he had been avoiding actually _saying_ it, except when he wanted to take a stab at Yamato. Worse, because of the chemical treatments for her cancer, he couldn't even hold her hand one last time.

"Takeru," his wife started, "Go see her."

He let go of the cross about his neck, "May as well before Yamato gets here to ruin everything."

Hikari let the comment slide. Takeru noted what little of his father's side had shown up- Hiroaki was sitting next to a third cousin or something -but he wasn't sure if it was because of apathy or the fact that Hiroaki had little family to speak of anyway. What relatives Takeru had heard of was either in jail or dead.

After all these years it was as if the divorce had split the two families down the middle. That, or the money. Natsuko hadn't spoken of her family's money, but she always spoke well of her actual family.

Finally, Takeru got the nerve to keep walking. His breath was shaky. One of his mother's side left the casket and passed him with a gentle, "Gomen."

Hikari smiled weakly as they continued over. Takeru's expression crumbled after a moment and tears flowed down his cheeks. Hikari cried silently with him. "She... look at her," Takeru squeaked. Hikari followed his gaze. Natsuko had always looked beautiful, but her hair had lost it's shine and her body was exceptionally thin. "She doesn't even look like herself, Hikari," the boy pleaded.

"She doesn't have to suffer anymore," Hikari explained, "Takeru, just think how happy she is in Heaven, now, looking down on her beautiful grandkids."

"...yeah," Takeru breathed, holding back the last of his tears. "It just... hurts."

"You will hurt and you're allowed to hurt," Hikari said, "And... well, I'll be here for you, okay?"

"Thank you. I... love you, Hikari."

She didn't respond, but she squeezed his hand and they turned back. Takeru followed his family's gaze to the back of the room where Yamato was standing. Hikari saw Hiroaki stand from the corner of her eye.

"Why don't you believe me?!" Yamato barked. His voice rang in the chapel. Most of Natsuko's family didn't understand Japanese, so they watched on body language and tone alone. That was all they really needed, however.

"What? Are you drunk?" Takeru insisted, wiping his eyes.

"No, I want to know once and for all, why don't you believe me when I tell you-"

"What makes you think I don't?" Takeru said, walking towards his brother. "That's not the deal at all."

"Tell me then, what is your problem? All I've ever done my entire life was try to protect you so you didn't have to end up like me! You're an asshole, seriously, what happened to you?!"

"What happened to _you_?" Takeru retorted, finally meeting his brother face to face. "Look, you didn't have to watch her try to win back your heart every single day. She called you once a week, she invited you over on birthdays, holidays. She personally apologized to you. She tried to explain what happened, but you wouldn't hear it. You couldn't get over yourself!"

Yamato clenched his fists, "It didn't happen to _you_ and you know why? I made God damn sure it didn't!"

"By trying to kill her?!" Takeru screamed. "Shooting our only mother in the face instead of getting her help is NOT the way to handle things!"

Yamato laughed. _God, you sound like how Dad probably should have._

"What's so funny?" Takeru growled, grabbing Yamato's collar.

"Stop, you two!" Hiroaki ordered. "Or take this outside." He started towards them as Jyou, Ken, and Iori appeared at the chapel's entrance.

"Nothing," Yamato replied, turning to Takeru who still had his hands cupped into Yamato's collar, "Now put me down."

Sora and Gabriel joined Ken and Iori. They exchanged glances, "What's going on?"

"They're fighting... what else?" Iori breathed.

Meanwhile, Takeru continued:

"No, you need to listen. Mom loved you. Not in the sick way you think, either. She wasn't even fucking aware she could do something like that. Imagine how it must feel with Hanako. I bet you couldn't imagine ever hurting her. You would rather kill yourself, right?!" Takeru screamed, taking Yamato's collar and yanking him forward. "Well, Mom _did that_. Mom lived her greatest nightmare, slowly killing herself." Yamato looked away but Takeru shook him, "It hurts, doesn't it? Knowing you never got to know your mother. She was a wonderful woman and she only ever showed her heart to anyone. Now, she died knowing her first born hates her, wanted her dead. She'll never know your love, but I'll be damned if you don't know she loved you until her very last breath!"

"Let me go, Takeru," Yamato ordered, trying to wriggle free. The older sibling was remembering his father's words. Takeru was wrong. Natsuko would know he loved her.

"Say something!" Takeru screamed, tossing his older sibling down onto the hard, marble floor. "Say something!" his voice cracked as he repeated the phrase. "You-!" Takeru arched back his foot to kick Yamato, who held up his arms to deflect the freshly shined shoes.

"Stop it!" Jyou demanded, reaching them.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from me?" Takeru demanded, turning to Jyou, who blinked with bewilderment.

"Takeru, just calm down. I think Yamato gets it, okay? Let's just pay our respects in peace," Jyou said and grabbed Takeru's hand.

Takeru pulled his hand back and tossed a punch at Jyou, knocking him to the ground. By now, all Takeru could see was a blur rise from the floor. Yamato had gotten back on his feet and lunged. They fell back into one of the pews, causing a tiny mass of the family to stand and back down the rows. Takeru winced at the pain in his back. Yamato tossed another punch at Takeru, breaking his nose and sending him closer towards the casket. The lower half of his face smeared with blood as he pulled Yamato down and tossed him down on the floor completely, where he slid a few feet back, hitting the rise in the chapel floor between Natsuko's corpse and her two sons.

Jyou stepped between the brothers, "Stop. Stop it!"

Ken stepped in with him, grabbing Yamato from the ground. He struggled to hold the man back and equally grab his handcuffs, which were soon put around the older blonde's wrists.

Takeru wiped the blood from his face and tried to catch his breath, looking over at his father. He had gone over to Natsuko's body and for the first time in his life, Takeru saw him pray. Takeru turned back to Yamato who must have noticed as well, because he wasn't looking up any longer.

"What's the matter with you two?" Jyou demanded. "You can't just be brothers for five minutes! That's your mother!" Jyou felt a hand on his shoulder. Hikari. He zipped his lips. "Sorry."

"I'm staying here and saying my goodbyes," Hikari continued, looking at her husband. "Now, when you two decide to act like real men, you can join us."

Jyou nodded and joined Hikari, and Hiroaki next, at the coffin, "I'm just glad they didn't knock her over or something."

Ken turned to Iori, "Take him, would you?"

Iori nodded and lead a handcuffed Yamato out into the banquet room. Ken then went over to Takeru, "Are you alright? Let's get you cleaned up."

"What?" Takeru spat, "You're not on _his_ side?"

"I'm not on anyone's side, Takeru," Ken sighed, leading the other to the bathroom to clean up. Ken grabbed paper towels and dotted at the boy's nose.

Takeru smiled, remembering how his mother had once done the same thing to Yamato after he fought off a bunch of Takeru's childhood bullies. Yamato had completely despised the entire thing, sure, but Takeru recalled how Yamato still said, "Thanks."

"Ken?" Takeru breathed, taking the paper towels in his own hands and cleaning the rest of the red fluid. "Yamato doesn't hate me, too, does he?"

"No, he could never do that, but he was ready to kill you more for the way you were treating Kido."

"I can't accept it," Takeru said. "Not on top of everything else."

"That's fine, you don't need to accept what they are. You just need to support your brother when he needs you."

"...I didn't want to accept that the woman that raised me did those things. I didn't want to accept that my only brother never got to know his mother. I didn't want to accept that there was nothing I could do to help my mother regain what she had lost. I didn't want to accept losing Patamon, forever. So I turned to the only thing I know. I'm comfortable in God's house, Ken. I don't want to leave."

Ken smiled weakly, "Just take your time. Yamato is trying, too. I promise. It won't be like this forever."

"How do you know?" Takeru asked, finally able to breathe again.

"Well, I would Hope that Friendship would prevail over the dark again, someday. Otherwise, what's the point in believing in anything at all?" Ken shrugged. "I need to go check on Kido and Yamato. Will you be okay here for a minute?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm not a kid anymore," Takeru smiled, watching Ken leave.

Meanwhile, on the steps of the church, a ratty Yamato sat in handcuffs and sighed. Usually that was fun for him. "Can you get me a cigarette, Hida?"

"You don't need it," the other replied, standing next to the blonde, arms folded.

"Oh, right. You really hate fighting and all," Yamato chuckled. "Just like Takeru..."

"Why can't you put your feelings aside like he said?" Iori questioned. "You two were a complete disgrace in there. You should be very ashamed."

"You act like I'm not. I went in there to try and make amends and I end up in a fist fight because of my brother's big mouth... I just love him, Iori. I miss when we relied on eachother all the time. But he stopped being a kid, back in that forest, and I never got over it. He had betrayed me, just like Mom."

"That's what he's been trying to tell you."

"Sorry?"

Iori sat down with a sigh, "Takeru just wants you to see how much your mother loved you. He doesn't understand that you see what you missed."

"..yeah. I think we're good this time, though. I mean, we need to still sort out this close minded bull Mom planted into his head-"

"It had nothing to do with her," Iori insisted. "This is the crap Takeru is talking about!"

Yamato leaned back a little. Iori didn't yell often... when he did, it surprised even the people passing by.

"You are so quick to blame her for all of your problems, Yamato. Without Jyou, you would be a livid wreck. Takeru didn't bury himself in religion because he was raised that way. In fact, I can't remember Natsuko ever forcing Takeru to go... it's just... losing Patamon and his guardian angel in turn... and he couldn't turn to his older brother who was buried in his own misery and complications... what did you expect him to do?"

"...daamn," Yamato whined, slumping over a little. "I never looked at it that way. Mom was always pushing God on me... on me! Look at me. I've slept with my mother. I've cut my brother out of my life. I'm always angry and miserable...! I've tried to kill myself. I've tried to kill my mother. I've nearly killed Sora- although, I swear that was an accident-"

"Yamato," Iori chuckled. "You're starting to sound like Jyou in his panic attacks. Relax. I think I get what you're saying. There's just one thing: you're not just angry and miserable. You're one of the most generous people when it comes down to it, it's just that you feel your way is best. However, you don't decide what your way is without thinking it over in great detail. You also would never turn Takeru away from your door, even if you two had hits out on one another. Trust me. Takeru doesn't hate you for what you are, because he knows the real you. He just misses it, like you miss him when he isn't distracting himself with his own life. You two just never made time for one another-" Iori hesitated, knowing Yamato would try to go on about Sora keeping him from everyone, "-and no matter what caused that to happen, it's never too late to fix."

"Yeah..."

Iori smiled, reaching into Yamato's coat. He chuckled as the blonde frowned. The pack of cigarettes was smashed, most of the tobacco broken. Iori found a one still together and put it between the blonde's lips, then lit it.

"...hey, you okay?"

Yamato turned. Jyou. He went to stand, but mostly just flailed like a fish on the steps. His arms behind his back didn't exactly allow him good leverage. Jyou waved his boyfriend down and sat next to him. Ken was there, too.

"Your Dad is talking with Takeru now. Once Takeru's gone, I'll let you go in, too," Ken said. "Your family all retreated to the dining hall, though. I think you really upset a ton of French people."

Yamato shrugged at Ken's remark as Jyou put a hand on Yamato's back in comforting motions. "Your face..." Yamato winced.

Jyou held his cheek. A dark bruise was forming there already. "It's nothing I haven't been through before."

Yamato nodded. When Hikari came out, she couldn't look at anyone and went to hail a cab. The older brother anxiously waited for his sibling who gave Ken a handshake and then headed down the steps. The two brother's locked eyes. Niether could forgive one another just yet, but at least they could beg for their parents', friends', and God's forgiveness. Jyou helped Yamato stand and led him to the door. He was going to keep walking, but Yamato shook, forcing the man back. "I need to do this... alone."

"I'll come looking for you, like always," Jyou smiled.

"...yeah," Yamato replied with a pained smile. He then went inside. The church was different while empty. It truly did feel like some kind of holy place. So, the fact that he didn't feel like he belonged was much worse than normal. His footsteps echoing was like his own heart beat, getting gradually faster as he approached his mother. When he finally got a few feet away from the casket, he couldn't bring himself forward. Then, he hadn't noticed Hiroaki at the front pew before. He stood and joined his son, ushering him forward. The two men didn't say anything. Enough words had been spoken that day.

Yamato needed to have his own talk with the soul still lingering in front of him. Hiroaki gave him a squeeze on the shoulder and headed out. As his father's footsteps faded, Yamato felt another tear move down his face. He was angry with himself even now, for being angry while he was trying to be sad. "Fuck," he choked through a sob. He couldn't control the tears and his clenched fists as he stood, trying to gather his apology. Finally, his breath steadied. He opened his eyes and wiped them off the tears that blurred his vision, so he could finally view her frail, thin form. He imagined her eyes had probably lost all color. Jyou would probably say something that disproved that, but Yamato laughed th thought away. As he looked at her, he was grateful for the first time he wasn't in that casket. That was what death was about right? Appreciating life? Had his mother appreciated life? She had been robbed of his wedding, her grandkids, her health, her sanity, her marriage, and her son... maybe even her faith. Was that living? _And me... I'm responsible. _He studied how her hair had faded to white over the years. Not completely, but damn near. Her hands were manicured and folded across her body. The flowers surrounding the entire thing gave the room a beautiful smell, like the flower garden his mother once tended back in Hikarigoaka. It made him smile. Perhaps she would find comfort in those flowers, since she wouldn't be able to through her own sons, not for awhile. Still, Yamato knew she was content with that. She would watch over them, easing his anger and protecting Takeru. Yes, things would finally get better. All it took was a funeral to open both their eyes. Yamato felt an overwhelming sense of determination in the new life he had worked so hard to start these last few months. He couldn't hand himself over to what had ruined the last two decades of his life. He had to be proud of where he was and who he was and where he came from and his experiences because without that, the woman in front of him had no memory. She lived through him and died thinking that she wasn't complete. Well, she was now. Yamato took a deep breath and whispered:

"Mom... I'm sorry."

End


End file.
